I'll Laugh As You Bleed In The Garden Of Eden
by rkolove
Summary: Cody is caught between a rock and a hard place: friendship or lust. WARNING: SLASH. Rated M for sexual content and language. Rhodes/Orton/OC
1. Chapter 1

OK... First up, **WARNING: SLASH, WILL CONTAIN SEXUAL CONTENT**

Right, this is my first ever slash fic, so please go easy on me! I've read slash before, but haven't had the guts to write it myself until now. This was going to be a one shot, but after a lot of thought, I've decided to see where it goes and extend it.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from WWE. Only Rhian and those that remain nameless are mine. **

Thanks to Blazing Glory for reading it first - really gave me the confidence to post it up here :-)

A/N: In my head, the final scene of this chapter is set to the cheesiest song ever, but is ever so apt for the story, _Candy _by Aggro Santos ft. Kimberly Wyatt - makes me giggle every time I hear it lol.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

The headboard bangs against the wall and the sound of grunts and moaning echoes around my head. Even if I bury my head between the pillows I can still hear it.

"Fuck… Rhian…"

"Randy… God…"

I chew my lip, desperately trying to push the image in my head out: the image of Randy and Rhian going at it in the next room. I walked in on them the other day in the bathroom. Randy had her pinned against the wall in the shower, her legs hiked up around his waist as he bit down on her neck. I must have stood there for a minute just watching them. If they noticed I was there, they didn't mention it because when they emerged and I was downstairs on the couch, they acted like nothing had happened.

But is this more sick and twisted? Listening to them, rather than watching? I don't know what's worse. My imagination is running wild as the moaning increases and Rhian screaming Randy's name gets louder and louder. I feel like a complete voyeur and it makes me sick, angry, upset and guilty all at the same time. The headboard crunches against the wall. Enough is enough.

I throw back the sheets and try to avoid the creaking floorboards. Although, why do I bother? It's not like they're going to hear me. I pull the door open in frustration. Out in the hall, the noise is almost unbearable and I'm glad when I get downstairs, into the kitchen where the sounds are slightly muffled.

Opening the refrigerator, I scan the contents and then go for the freezer. I settle on ice cream and not even bothering with a bowl, I just delve in with a spoon.

I should be grateful. I know that. Randy offered up their spare room whilst my old place was being refurbed. And now that's finished, my new place is having the same treatment. Rhian couldn't have been sweeter. We had only met a few times beforehand, but the minute I had my stuff through the door she was there ready to help unpack and make me at home. I remember the first time that I was here on my own with her.

I couldn't sleep and around 2 am I decided to go down and watch TV. However, Rhian had beaten me to it. She was curled up on the sofa in one of Randy's shirts and grey sweatpants. I remember feeling incredibly uncomfortable; I was just wearing my boxers. I paused on the stairs about to turn back and go back to bed, when:

"_Hey… You okay?" Rhian turns around and spies me._

"_Er… yeah… You?" _

"_I couldn't sleep," she shrugs. "The bed feels so empty without Randy in it. You would think after three years, I would get used to him not being here every night, but I don't." She pauses. "You want to join me?" She taps the couch invitingly. _

"_I might just go and put on something else…" I mumble._

_She giggles. "It's cool. Don't worry about it. Pretty sure you'll see me in my underwear at some point."_

_I smile back awkwardly and tentatively join her on the couch. "What are you watching?"_

"Gossip Girl_…" __I roll my eyes and she laughs. "That's exactly what Randy does. Not even the girls in it can tempt him to sit through an entire episode without whining." She offers me the remote control. "Choose something else if you want?"_

"_No. You go ahead. It's fine."_

_"Thanks." She turns back to the TV, twisting her legs underneath her. I sit and stare at the screen, feeling more uncomfortable by the moment. I rub circles into my thigh, making the skin red and raw. I wish I had just stayed in bed and lay there not sleeping instead of sitting here with my buddy's girlfriend watching some shit on TV._

"_Jesus, if you're that uncomfortable…" Rhian throws a blanket at me. I smile back weakly, silently appreciating the gesture. _

_When _Gossip Girl_ finally ends, Rhian unbends her legs and rearranges herself, her feet grazing the blanket that now covers me. _

"_How's your renovation going?"_

"_Good… Thanks…"_

"_How long do you think it'll take?"_

_I shrug. "Don't know. Trying to get rid of me already?"_

"_What? No!" She looks amazed that I would even suggest that. Then she laughs. "You and Randy will be the death of me. Both as bad as each other with the teasing." She pushes her feet against my thigh. "You can stay as long as you want."_

Three months later and I'm still here. Still listening to Randy and Rhian devour each other every night, still sitting up late at night with Rhian watching her programmes, programmes that I now love as much as she does. It's our little thing. Occasionally Randy will come downstairs to get a drink, or come in late and see us there on the sofa. And he'll kiss Rhian and clocks me one gently around the head in hello. I always pout in return and he always laughs.

"Hey stranger…"

I whirl around. Rhian is leaning against the doorframe. She's got Randy's shirt on that he was wearing earlier. She's only bothered with about three buttons and because of that, I can see the red marks on her neck and chest. Her hair is all ruffled and her lips bruised.

"We er… we didn't wake you did we?"

"No… I couldn't sleep anyway."

"You can never sleep."

"I know."

"What you eating?"

"Ice cream."

"Pass me a spoon."

I hand her mine and she grins, before taking a scoop. "Y'know, we won't mind if you want to bring someone back here."

"I know."

"I know we deserve a bit of payback," she grins. "But I guess you know what's like to be with someone who makes you…" she gestures inanely. I get the picture.

"Sure…"

"So… anyone special you fancy bringing home to meet the housemates?"

I shake my head. "Not right now." I couldn't tell you even if you begged me anyway.

"Well, whenever. It's cool."

She hands me back the spoon and I can feel her eyes on me.

"Codes…"

"What?"

She doesn't answer because Randy chooses to appear butt-naked in the doorway.

"Rhian… Babe… Come back to bed… Oh hey man, you okay?"

Rhian laughs. "Randy, for fuck's sake, no-one needs to see that."

"You weren't complaining earlier and anyway, it's not like Codes hasn't seen it all before either."

I swallow hard, trying not to look, but it's fucking hard. It's like my eyes are being tugged, drawn in Randy's direction. I watch as he holds his hand out to Rhian, beckoning her to him and for the first time, I feel real jealously ripping through me.

Rhian ruffles my hair. "Night, Codes." And then she kisses my cheek softly. And the jealously disappears. Her hand slides into Randy's and he pulls her out of the kitchen, throwing me a wink over his shoulder. I watch them disappear and slump against the door of the refrigerator.

In bed, I listen to them again. But this time, I don't feel ashamed. This time, I wrap my hand around my cock, tug at it slowly, firmly. I listen to the moans, the names, the fucks, the thuds and the final echoing scream. And in my head, I see Randy's face, see his mouth coming to mine, imagine him crying out my name as I reach my own release.

* * *

I push him against the wall, my mouth hot on his. He rakes his fingers through my short hair. I bite his lip and he hisses. He pulls at my shirt, his hand sliding up it for a second and then going back down, inside the waistband of my pants. I groan as he grazes my cock. I fumble with his pants, desperately pulling them down and ignoring his own member, I flip him round, press him against the wall and slide my hand down his back till my fingers slide inside his tight ass. He cries out and I roughly shove my hand over his mouth. He bites my palm and moans.

But I shut out all his sounds. I just focus on mine, mentally repeating Randy's name over and over again, as I fuck the nameless guy whose moans and groans eventually disgust me. I leave him in the bathroom stall without a word.

I head straight to the bar and demand vodka. Straight. It hits the back of my throat and only when I stop shaking do I realize that I was even shaking before. I put the now empty glass on the bar and glance down. Shit. My zipper is undone and the buttons at the bottom of my shirt are also flapping open. I quickly re-arrange myself, just as Rhian appears next to me.

"Hey!" Her eyes are dancing wildly. She's drunk. "Where have you been?"

"Oh just…" I don't finish. She pushes at my arm and I slide it around her as she grins up at me.

"You smell of sex."

"What?"

"You reek of sex…" she pulls back and stares up at me wide-eyed. "Codes, I never took you for someone who'd fuck in a club."

I shrug.

"So, where is she?"

I shrug again. She slaps my arm.

"You're so cruel! You need a girl. I need some girly company. As much as I love Randy and you to pieces, you need to find me a girl to hang out with when you two fuck off to do your guy shit."

"Right…"

She laughs. "Was she any good?"

"I guess."

"Cruel, cruel, cruel," she giggles. "C'mon, come dance with me."

I don't get a chance to protest. Rhian tugs me into the heaving mass on the dance floor, encircling her arms around my neck. She sways against me, laughing up at me and slowly, I crack and I laugh with her. I forget about the guy in the bathroom. I wonder if he's still there, wondering what the fuck happened.

A hand grips my shoulder, fingers digging into the muscle and for a second I panic. Maybe it's him. But no, Rhian is gazing past me with a look of adoration and lust ripping through her face. She leans up to kiss Randy and out of the corner of my eye I can see it all. I feel sick.

Randy moves behind Rhian and I watch as she leans back against his chest. He's whispering in her ear and she rolls her eyes at me. I watch as Randy trails his tongue around the curve of her ear and then my eyes widen as he sinks his teeth into her earlobe. And then he does the same to her neck, sinking lower and lower.

Torture. Pure fucking torture.

And then, if it couldn't get any worse, my hand slips on Rhian's waist and brushes across Randy's hand. I freeze. He's staring at me. A drunk smile playing across his lips. They curl up and he says something that I can't read to Rhian. She scowls at him.

I move my hand away.

He stares at me for a second and then looks away.


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUAL CONTENT AND SLASH**

Disclaimer: I own nada except Rhian and the nameless guys. (Shame really, I would love to own a piece of Orton... Or Cody... Oh, we could be here all day...!)

Hope you like this one :-) Apologies if Oc's aren't your thing, but it's necessary for what's to come. I promise from the next chapter it'll be more about Randy and Cody - I'm building it gradually!

Big thanks to Blazing Glory for reading and offering suggestions - I might need a bigger net to catch those beastly plot bunnies though!

Enjoy... :-)

* * *

**Chapter 2**

"Keep the change…" I mumble to the cab driver, my lips half-locked with… shit, what's his name? I shrug to myself as we both stumble out of the cab and cling to each other up the path.

At the door, I forget where my key is. He giggles as I frantically search my pockets. In my drunken haze, I hold the now found key aloft as if it's a fucking medal. He laughs and I frown. The key enters the lock on the third attempt. His mouth is insane on my neck. I know his teeth are leaving marks and I know that I should stop him, but it feels so good, I'm beyond caring.

Inside and we're halfway up the stairs when he trips over my feet and we collapse in a heap. I have no idea how much noise we're making, but I reckon Rhian is probably awake by now. Randy's away like usual. I tried to persuade her to come out to a few bars with me, but she refused. So I went alone. I sat at the bar, drinking into oblivion until this one appeared and well… I'm so fucking horny right now, I would have taken anyone home.

Randy went left two nights ago and he's due back tomorrow. The last night he was here was hell. Fuck knows what he was doing to Rhian, but she sure as hell loved it and I just lay there in the next room, wishing it were me. Since then, I've been on edge. And I'll be damned if I'm going to spend another night alone with my thoughts and my hand.

I snap back as - seriously, need to remember his name – pulls at my shirt, tugging me upright and further up the stairs. He twists his tongue around mine, his fingers raking through my hair and then down to un-do my belt and my pants. I manage to get us through the door to the bedroom and close it firmly behind us before we're caught.

I push him back, maybe a little too roughly and he trips onto the bed. He lies there, biting his lip as I un-do my shirt and then finish the rest of his handy work by un-doing my pants completely. I'm about to push them down when he stops me with a groan.

"What?"

He doesn't answer me, just crawls forward on the bed. Half of me just wants to fuck him crazy and then kick him out, but his mouth looks so tempting… I let him have it his way. He pulls me over to him by the waistband of my boxers. His lips caress my stomach, then drop lower as he pulls my boxers down. My dick hits his chin bounces free and he chuckles. He grips my hips, holding me there as he runs his tongue up and down my length. My knees feel weak. Fuck, it's been too long…

As his mouth covers the tip, I chance a look down. His eyes are closed which makes it so much easier. I watch my dick move in and out of his mouth and slowly, I start to blot out his face and replace it with someone else's. I bite my lip, willing myself not to call out Randy's name. I grip his head tightly, pulling desperately at his hair. He moans and it sends crazy vibrations through my dick, up my spine, into my head. I ram myself forward into his mouth, not caring about anything but what's in my mind's eye: Randy swallowing every last part of me.

His hand creeps up my stomach to grasp at my neck. He wants me to kiss him. I push him away. He frowns but does what I want. I nudge his legs and he rolls over obediently. I pull his pants down far enough and suck on my middle finger briefly, before pushing into him. He groans loudly.

"Quiet," I whisper. He ignores me and I give up. I pull out my finger and shove my dick in, relentless in my actions. He moans beneath me, begging me over and over again. I grip his hips, resisting the temptation to cover his mouth with my hand. The sudden urge to hear someone appreciate me is too much and I lap it up, listen to his voice reverberate around my head.

"Shit," I almost scream, pushing into him hard, my head exploding. I collapse forward, smothering him with my body. His back sticks to my chest.

The door creaks behind me and I glance over my shoulder. A sudden coldness fills me as I realise Rhian is standing there, her mouth open slightly, eyes wide.

"God, I'm so sorry," she splutters. But she doesn't move.

I struggle up and reach down to pick up my clothes.

"I… I just heard… God, I don't know. Sorry," she whispers, backing out of the room and shutting the door loudly.

"Who was that?"

"My housemate," I mutter, pulling up my pants. "You should go."

"What? You get busted and you want to stop?"

"Go." I can feel my blood boiling. He scowls at me.

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Dude…"

"What part of go, do you not get?" I hiss.

He rolls his eyes, pulls up his pants and slouches out of the room. I listen to him thud down the stairs, murmur something and then the door slams.

I chew the inside of my mouth. I hear the TV go on loudly. And then the volume goes down. I sigh, zip up my jeans and head downstairs.

Rhian isn't in the lounge, but I can hear in the kitchen. The tap goes on and then off and she reappears, glass of water in hand. She blinks at me.

"I'm so sorry," she says for the third time.

"It's fine…"

"I don't know why I walked in on you… I just heard groaning and I thought… Well, I don't know what I thought, but I just didn't think that you would have company. Shit that came out wrong… You know what I mean? Right?" She catches my eye for a second and then looks away.

"I know…. It's fine…"

She slurps at her water; the sound is loud. "So… is he your boyfriend? I didn't mean to make him angry."

"He's not my boyfriend." I feel insulted at the thought. "I just met him at a bar."

"Why did he storm out?"

"I told him to go."

"Why?"

I shrug. She eyes me suspiciously and then walks over to slouch onto the couch.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

"I don't know."

She rubs her forehead. "God I feel so stupid, all the times I told you to go get a girlfriend or just assumed you had been with girls when you came back late…" She looks up at me. "You should have put me straight… So to speak."

I can't help but laugh. "Rhian, seriously, don't worry."

"But you looked so shocked."

"I was… I just wasn't expecting you…"

"To find out?"

"I guess." I sink on to the couch.

"I won't tell… I mean, if that's what you want."

I glance to my side. Rhian meets my gaze steadily. "Thanks."

"One thing though."

I raise an eyebrow questioningly. She pauses. "Nothing."

"No, tell me."

"No," she shakes her head. "It doesn't matter." She runs a hand through her hair, chewing her lip thoughtfully. "Anyway… I'm going back to bed. 'Night…" She kisses my cheek as she passes.

"'Night…" I murmur. I sink back against the couch and stare mindlessly at the TV. I shouldn't have thrown that guy out. I should have just shrugged it off, laughed even, and just carried on. But it was her face. That look of shock chills me still. I wonder if she'll tell Randy. I can't work out what his reaction will be. Indifference? Or the opposite? My stomach twists nervously at the thought of his potential disgust. I can just see it now: I sit cowering on the couch, whilst Randy shouts his mouth off whilst Rhian stands helpless in the background.

No… That's wrong. Randy would just crack open two beers, shove one into my hand, tell me not to worry, he doesn't give a shit about who I fuck and then we'll watch the game. Halfway through, Rhian will walk in, curl up at Randy's side. His arm will slide around her shoulders. He'll kiss her head. He'll murmur in her ear. I'll watch as he takes a swig of his beer, watch his lips curl around the mouth of the bottle…

"Hey man."

I look up startled – Randy is standing in the doorway, bag in hand.

"Hey." I frown. "What are you doing here? Thought you weren't back till tomorrow?"

"Yeah, well thought I'd surprise Rhian…" he grins at me.

"Right." I force myself to smile back.

"What are you doing up late?" Randy dumps his bag next to the door and makes his way through to the kitchen.

"I got in an hour ago."

"Rhian didn't go with you?" he asks. I hear the refrigerator door open and close and a beer being cracked open.

"No…"

He reappears and then slumps onto the couch next to me. "You went on your own?"

"Why not?"

He shrugs. "Thought you and Rhian were joined at the hip when I wasn't around. Even when I'm around, you're always together."

I frown at him and he laughs.

"I'm messing with you! Dude, you need to fucking chill." He punches my arm softly. I manage not to flinch at the touch. But now my skin prickles and my throat feels tight.

We sit in silence as he drinks his beer. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. I keep watching him out of the corner of my eye. He doesn't even notice. Then he sighs, heaves himself up and cuffs me round the head. "'Night."

He creaks up the stairs and I follow a minute later. I hear Rhian's voice. She sounds happy. They murmur words I can't hear. I imagine him leaning over her, kissing her softly. I see her fingers lock around the back of his neck, dig into his skin. I see him hover over her, push into her. And I ache for it to be me.


	3. Chapter 3

Firstly, sorry it's been a while! I've been over-run with family do's and job stuff, but suffice to say, I'm now back to writing! Enjoy!

Thanks again to Blazing Glory for her fab suggestions for this chapter :-)

**DISCLAIMER - I don't own anything from the WWE.**

More's the pity ;-)

* * *

I lean my head against the window and stare down at the runway that slowly moves further and further away. The sound of the engines, that weird sound that used to scare the shit out of me as a kid, fills my head, drowning out all thoughts for a split second. And then I shiver and my hand hits Randy's.

"Sorry," I murmur. But he doesn't hear me. He's too interested in flicking through his iPod. I watch out the corner of my eye as he runs his finger slowly over the screen. He chews his bottom lip, his face screwed up in concentration. And then he pulls his hood up, closes his eyes and lets the iPod fall onto his lap, satisfied with his selection.

I drum my fingers on my thighs, bored already. My leg starts to shake out of habit. Rhian says its fucking irritating. I do it when I'm nervous. Like when we're talking about my most recent hook up and then Randy walks in. Rhian is a true pro, switching immediately to something else. Or twisting it around, making out that it's about a girl from work.

And I'm nervous now because it's the first time in ages that I've been alone with Randy. This is all his idea: fly out two days before we're needed, chill out, do 'man stuff' as Rhian put it, rolling her eyes. She did seem a bit put out when I almost screamed yes in response to Randy's suggestion. Eagerness will be my downfall…

Randy shuffles in his chair. It's first class, with about three foot of leg room, and yet he still can't stretch out completely. To be fair, he's literally lying in the chair, his ass almost off the seat. I have to tear my eyes away from his crotch; his legs spread open, inviting me to stare, to reach out, to touch…

I bite my lip and look away. Outside is white. We bump through the clouds, my stomach lurching before we break through and I have to pull the blind down. Randy coughs and his eyes flash open. He struggles to sit upright, his headphones falling out, his iPod slipping off his lap and onto the floor. I bend down to pick it up, as does he. Our heads crack together.

"Shit, sorry," he mutters. His fingers brush over mine as he takes the iPod from me.

I mumble something incoherent and straighten up quickly. I lean back and close my eyes. Surely sleep is the best option? Less opportunity to embarrass myself, right? And then my elbow knocks against Randy's arm and my eyes snap open. No, sleep is definitely not a good idea. I can just see myself getting a fucking hard on, waking up, Randy staring at me, almost laughing at me and it won't end the way I want it to.

I lean forward and grab the in-flight magazine out of the pocket of the seat in front of me. I thumb through it briefly, feinting interest in the random interviews with even more random celebrities. Randy's fingers drum on the armrest, millimetres away from my forearm.

The pilot declares we're now at cruising height. And that it'll be two hours till we reach our destination. Two unbearable hours.

* * *

It's like we've just been shoved together and forced to get along. I've known Randy for years and now, all of a sudden, everything feels stilted. Conversation from the airport to the hotel is tentative. The five minutes in the elevator even more so. And now we're traipsing up and down corridors that all look the same, looking for a room that doesn't seem to exist.

I swear to an outsider I must look like a fucking dog, lolloping after my owner who strides ahead of me, leaving me to run along behind, taking two steps for every one he takes. I almost bump into Randy's back as he comes to a sudden halt.

"Here," he points to his left, before sliding the key card in and out of the door handle. It clicks open and we're inside. We stand there for a moment, looking around, taking in the usual hotel stuff – two beds, random desk and chair, tiny sofa, TV in the corner at an angle, the door to the bathroom which could be confused with a closet, the actual closet… It feels small, claustrophobic. Randy must be about a metre away from me, but it feels a lot closer.

He breaks the silence, by throwing his duffle on the bed. The springs creak.

"I'm gonna hit the gym," he states bluntly. "You wanna join me?"

"Sure…" I dump my own bag on the other bed and begin to rifle through it for sweatpants and shirt. I hear Randy do the same beside me. I glance over and gulp. He's stripped out his jeans, oblivious to the fact that I'm even here. As he tugs his pants up, he turns slightly and I catch a glimpse of the bulge in his boxers. My mouth feels dry and I struggle to exhale. I look away, reddening when I think he's caught me. But he doesn't say anything. Just claps me on the back as he passes me and tells me to hurry up.

I only change my clothes when he disappears into the bathroom. I hear him piss as I tie the string inside my pants and then the flush as I tug on my t-shirt.

"Dude, you ready?" he asks as he emerges.

"Yeah." I follow him out, telling myself to get a grip and not wonder what sound he would make if I nipped at the back of his neck.

* * *

I drum my fingers against my knee, the TV blurring before me. The colours merge into one, grey, fuzzy mess. The gym was hell. All I can think of is Randy, sweat trickling down his face and neck; the outline of his abs just visible through his skin-tight t-shirt… Something cold touches my arm and I turn to see Randy pressing the end of a beer against my elbow. I smile gratefully and take it, carefully navigating the motion so I don't touch him.

He sighs as he flops onto the bed, cracking open the beer and taking a large swig. I watch his hand tug up his t-shirt, scratch his stomach and then sink lower, fingers delving past the waistband of his pants and scratching at some hidden spot. His fingers rest there for a second and then he laughs at something on the TV and I look away, barely able to hide my desire to scratch his itch – any itch.

Then his phone rings and rattles on the table between our beds.

"Hey baby, you okay?" he says in a low voice. I can hear Rhian's voice, but I can't make out the exact words.

Randy chuckles in reply. She talks again.

"We're just chilling with some beer… Huh? Am I looking after Cody okay? He's not a kid Rhian," he grins over at me and rolls his eyes. I give a small smile back.

Rhian's voice gets a little higher. He laughs. It gets lower and he chews his bottom lip slowly. "Baby…" he growls.

I can't take it anymore. I hastily put my can down on the table and trip over my own feet to get to the bathroom. I slam the door behind me and turn on the shower. I look into the mirror and scowl at my red face. The water barely drowns out Randy's deep growl, reverberating around my head.

I strip off and practically throw myself under the ice-cold stream of water. I manage about five seconds before I thump the wall in agony and frantically twist the knob to hot. I place my hands on the wall and lean against it, letting the water stream down over my head, blinking furiously as the water trickles into my eyes.

I close my eyes and imagine Randy growling my name, touching me, letting me touch him…

This is stupid. He's straight. Fucking straight.

I punch the wall again and watch as the water turns pink from the blood that oozes from my knuckles a moment later.

* * *

Randy doesn't even ask about my hand. I lie in the dark and listen to him breathe. I lie on my side and watch his outline rise and fall. He's less than a foot away. If I lie right on the edge, I can reach his bed.

I edge closer and stretch out my arm. I touch the covers. I slide my fingers under. The sheets are warm. I hold my breath as Randy mumbles something and coughs. He moves suddenly. Fuck… My fingers touch his bare skin. I hesitate.

He groans in his sleep. My heart skips a beat. My cock strains against my boxers. I slowly withdraw my hand, holding it tenderly against my cheek. It smells of him. I smile into the darkness.

I hold my breath and slip my hand into my boxers.


	4. Chapter 4

Another instalment for you... The next chapter will follow shortly, so a double-whammy for you :-)

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the WWE.**

**WARNING: Contains hints of slash and sexual content.**

Enjoy :-)

* * *

**Chapter 4**

A girl claws at my shirt as I push my way through the crowd to the bar. I try to shake her off, but she clings tightly, dragging herself along with me. I can see Randy at the bar, laughing with John and the others. I have to get rid of this girl. Randy is downing shot after shot. Every time he does, I watch his throat, mesmerized at the way the muscles contract and relax as he swallows.

"Who's your friend?" John claps a hand on my shoulder.

I don't even listen to the girl's reply. I'm desperately trying to gauge Randy's reaction, without catching his eye. I fail miserably. He gives me a weird sort of grin, then he cocks his head to one side, his smile stretching further for a second, before he shakes his head. In what? Disappointment? Disgust? Or is he just laughing at the girl and not me?

"Are you going to buy me a drink?" the girl purrs in my ear.

"I guess…"

I tug out a twenty from my pocket and pretend to be interested in her ass as she leans forward over the bar to slur her order to the bar man. The bar man winks at me. Whatever she orders is gone in an instant, as is my money. As she turns round to face me, I see that she's split some of her drink down her chest. There's a small trickle just below her mouth, edging its way towards her chin. I feel sick.

She falls into my arms, giggling into my chest, her fingers tugging my shirt open at the collar. I feel her tongue on my throat. I start to shake. What the fuck do I do? I have a weird, sickening flash back to being sixteen and kissing a girl and thinking it definitely didn't feel good at all. I remember her hand in my pants and willing myself to try and get hard for her. I remember failing and her tears. My tears. My frustration.

Eighteen and I'm in the bathroom with another girl. That time I was drunk. I was so drunk, I can't even remember what happened. Except that I definitely fucked her. And that I got the same weird feeling as I did when I was sixteen – that it wasn't good.

And now, my third experience with a girl is going to end in the same way. Humiliation for both of us. I have to get rid of her. I look down at her and she stares back at me, blinking furiously as if trying to keep me in focus. She's wrecked. Her mouth twists into a bizarre smile that scares the shit out of me. I try and push her off me, but she stumbles slightly and I feel bad. Her face crumples slightly at the realization that she is about to be rejected. My heart fills with pity.

Fucking pity.

* * *

I stumble through the door to our room. The girl is still with me. I couldn't do it. But I know I can't do this. What the fuck have I just let myself in for?

In the dark, we fumble at each other's clothes. I love the dark. I can't see her or her face. I can avoid her gaze. I can pretend. My fingers graze the straps of her bra. I push them down quickly and let her struggle drunkenly with the clasp. I claw instead at her jeans. She drags my shirt off my shoulders, down my arms. Her nails scratch at my skin. I hiss. She giggles.

I close my eyes, despite the dark. Her hands are small. But I fucked a guy with small hands a few months back. So I can pretend. Her mouth is rough on my neck and then… Jesus, she's kissing my mouth. She stops when I don't respond.

"What's wrong?" she mumbles across my chin.

"Nothing."

She kisses me again. I give in and kiss her back. She moans against my mouth. Her hand slides between us and I realise all too late where this is going. I hear my jean button pop open too loudly. My skin crawls when she slips her hand inside. I desperately try to think of Someone else's hand.

Her mouth travels down my neck, across my chest, onto my stomach. I flinch. Her hand slides over my cock. I can't help but groan. It's been too long… Shit…

The door clicks open and the light flicks on. It takes the girl a moment to realise, so I'm forced to stand there, blinking stupidly. I stare at the door and feel myself redden. Randy stands there, his gaze going between the girl, who's still on her knees, hand still clasped around my cock, and me.

"Sorry," he says bluntly. But he just carries on staring. I desperately try to avoid his gaze, but it's too hard. He stares right at me and I can't look away. His eyes narrow slightly, his brow furrowed in… well, I can't figure out.

The girl finally releases my cock, realizing that maybe the party's over. I'm still frozen to the spot, holding Randy's gaze. I hear the rustle of clothes being gathered. She kisses my cheek and then heads to the door. Randy looks away as he moves aside to let her pass. The door clicks shut and I unfreeze, frantically pushing my cock back into my boxers and button up my jeans.

"Sorry," Randy says again.

"Don't worry about it."

"John started on shots of tequila."

"Right."

"So I had to leave."

"Sure."

"You should have let me know. I would have crashed in Adam's room or something."

I shrug. "No worries."

"Well, next time…" he moves towards me and claps me on the shoulder. It's only then that I catch the stench of alcohol and notice that his pupils are dilated to the extreme. His hand moves off my shoulder. I shiver slightly, my mouth dry… He just touched my bare shoulder.

Randy chucks his jacket on his bed and then brushes back past me, heading into the bathroom. He closes the door behind him and then I hear the shower going on.

I tug my shirt back onto my shoulders and flop onto my bed face down. The tension is killing me. Something tells me that he knows the truth already. Hence the confused look and the prolonged staring. I can't bear it. All I want to do is storm into the bathroom, pin him against the wall, push myself against his wet body and…

A phone starts to ring. I twist my head to one side. Randy's cell buzzes away on the table. I groan and get up to see who it is.

Rhian.

I pause for a second and then answer it.

"Hey, Randy's in the shower."

"Cody? You okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Alright, thanks. How's the trip?"

"Good."

She pauses. "Any action?"

I laugh, for what feels like the first time in ages. "No."

"Aww, I wanted all the gossip!"

"Sorry."

"Well, can you get him to call me back?"

"Sure."

"See you soon."

I put the phone back where I found it and return to my bed. Randy emerges from the bathroom a moment later.

"Rhian just rang, she said can you ring her back," I tell him.

"Cool, thanks dude. She okay?"

I nod. I'm too busy looking in the mirror, subtly watching trickles of water curve their way down Randy's back. His lack of modesty really doesn't help. He lets the towel fall away from his waist and after a few seconds, during which I grip the bedsheets so hard my knuckles turn white, he decides to pull on boxers. He picks up his phone and for a moment, I wonder what the hell I'm going to do whilst he whispers sweet nothings down the phone to Rhian. He sighs and throws it to one side.

"You not going to call her?" I almost squeak.

"What? Yeah. In a bit," he pauses. "Look, Codes, I… why were you with that girl?"

I stare at him. "What?"

"The girl. Why her?"

I shrug. "I… I don't know." God, this is hell. "Why?"

"She just didn't seem your type. Although, who knows what your type is. I've never seen you with a girl before."

"I've been with girls," I splutter. This is worse than being 18 and being questioned by my mum about why didn't I bring home girlfriends.

"Dude, I've never seen a guy look so uncomfortable with a girl. Seriously, I've basically come up with two conclusions and one I doubt is true, so that leaves one."

I stare at the wall.

"So…?" Randy prompts. "Are you…?"

I nod.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug.

"Codes, what did you think I was going to do? You seriously think I would be a dick about it? C'mon, you know me better than that."

"I know. No-one knows."

"Even Rhian?"

"Er…" I still can't meet his gaze.

"I figured. You two aren't as subtle as you think."

"Why didn't you say something before?" I glance in his direction and see him shrug.

"I dunno. I wasn't sure what to say."

"Well, you've done better than me with the words."

He chuckles and I smile.

"Well, I'm cool with whatever dude." He flops down on the bed next to me, phone in hand. "By the way, what would you have done if I hadn't walked in when I did?"

"I don't even want to think about it," I admit. Randy laughs as he dials Rhian's number.


	5. Chapter 5

I told you I would update this shortly...! Better savour this one because it might be a while before chapter 6 makes an appearance. I promise (hand on heart!) that something will happen between Cody and Randy soon! It'll be worth the wait, I promise! I've got loads of ideas on what's going to happen, so just gotta get them out of my mind and onto paper, or rather, Word lol.

**Usual warning of slash applies...**

Thanks to Blazing Glory for her fabulous beta-reading and brill ideas that are now swimming around my head, begging to get out!

**DISCLAIMER**: I guess we all know by now that I don't own anything WWE related.

A/N: _Italics_ = flashback

* * *

**Chapter 5**

It's been a week since we got back from the trip and Rhian still can't quite believe that I came out to Randy.

"_How did he find out?" she asked me over breakfast the day after we came back._

"_I er…"_

"_You got caught? With a guy?" Her hand holding her cup paused between the table and her mouth._

_I shook my head._

"_With a girl?" her eyes bulged. "Codes!"_

"_He said I looked uncomfortable and there were only two reasons he could think of."_

"_Which were?"_

"_One being I was gay."_

"_And the other?"_

_I shrugged. "That I was a virgin? I don't know."_

_Rhian shook her head. "Typical."_

Even though Randy knows, I don't feel any better about my fantasies. In fact, now he knows, my mind is running even wilder. I imagine him telling me that he feels the same way. I imagine kissing him, touching him… Helping him overcoming his nerves about the situation, comforting him, supporting him through it all. And then I wake up and remember that Rhian exists.

Rhian.

With everything out in the open (sort of), she has gone into match-making over-drive. Every day she comes home from work, telling me about some guy she knows whom I might like. She constantly mentions double-dating, to the horror of both me and Randy.

"Oh c'mon," Rhian whines for the third day in a row. "Seriously, this guy is really cute. Totally your type."

"Right…" I say.

"He looks like Ryan Reynolds. You said he was hot."

"I guess…" I feel uncomfortable. Randy is sitting next to Rhian, his gaze fixed on the TV.

Rhian senses my hesitation. "Codes… C'mon, it'll be fun."

"Rhi, lay off the guy," Randy grunts. "If he doesn't want to do it, then just leave it. Cody spends 24 hours a day with us, if he wants to hook up with a guy, I don't think he needs us there as well."

Rhian flops back on the sofa. Randy slides an arm around her shoulders and kisses her forehead.

"Fine," she mumbles. I see Randy nudge her side. "Sorry," she says.

"No worries," I say.

"Just promise me that if you meet a guy you like, that you won't hide him away?"

"Yeah, sure."

I watch them out of the corner of my eye. I would fit perfectly against Randy's side. I sigh. Neither of them notice.

* * *

I curl my hand around the cool glass in front of me. I'm at the end of the bar, delving deeper into the corner every time someone stumbles past me. For the first time in a long time, I've ventured to a gay bar. Tired of trying to decipher if guys in regular bars are gay or just overly comfortable in their masculinity, I've bit the bullet and braved the relatively unknown.

But I'm not alone. Rhian emerges out of the crowd, dragging a bemused Randy behind her. I notice in the half-light that his shirt collar is dark and sticking to his neck. Rhian's hair is slicked back with sweat. She slides out of Randy's hold and falls against me.

"Any luck?" she yells over the music.

I nod and then shake my head.

"What does that mean?"

"Yes and no." Yes as in, I had a sneaky grope about ten minutes ago and no because he wasn't Randy.

"Randy got hit on."

"What?" I look up, maybe a little too quickly.

Rhian doesn't notice; she's giggling and looking at Randy, who just rolls his eyes.

"Yeah some guy was practically grinding with him."

"What happened?" I'm intrigued.

"He let him for about a minute and then just moved away."

I have to concentrate real hard to close my mouth in shock. Randy let another guy grind against him?

Randy cuts in: "Rhian thinks it's fucking hilarious but what was I supposed to do?"

"Tell him you're straight?" suggests Rhian.

"It's a gay club, I can't do that."

Rhian shrugs. "I think you liked it."

It takes me a moment for me to realise that she's laughing and that Randy is pulling her into his arms, his mouth next to her ear, forming words that I can't hear. But judging by Rhian's gasp, wide eyes and then slow smirk, it's pretty obvious it was a hint as to what I'm going to hear in the small hours.

"Come dance," Rhian tugs me onto the floor. I have a distinct memory of a similar night when I touched Randy's hand. I wonder if the same will happen tonight.

Rhian glides away through the crowd, leaving me and Randy to fight our way after her.

A hand grips my arm and I turn ready to make a feeble excuse about having a boyfriend.

But it's Randy gripping my arm.

I stare at him, confused. His hand slides down and I struggle to control myself as I feel his fingers lock around my wrist. He pushes past me, and then he pulls me after him. The struggle around us eases and we pass through, gaining looks of jealously and admiration. But the feeling of his hand wrapped around my wrist barely lasts a minute. We find Rhian and she slots between us facing me.

She leans back against Randy and closes her eyes, swaying with him. I swallow hard. Randy's piercing eyes lock with mine. It's too dark to read them though. My wrist still burns from his touch. My mind goes into over-drive.

In the semi-darkness I envision Randy and I. I can see myself as Rhian is now. I blink. I see Randy grinding furiously against me, his hands clutching my hips, my head tilted backwards, my tongue lapping at the trickles of sweat running down his neck.

Rhian's eyes flick open and she stares at me. I feel myself go red. Shit… She straightens up and glances behind her and Randy. Thank fuck there's a hot guy in the vicinity.

"Him?" she mouths at me.

I shrug, desperately stepping away from her, trying to banish all thoughts of Randy from my mind.

"Go on then," she grins.

Fuck.

I step around them. I can feel Randy's eyes on me. The guy smiles as I near him. He leans towards me and tells me his name. I don't hear him. I just nod. I can feel Randy's eyes boring into the back of my head.

He slides an arm around my waist, pulling me close. We twist around each other and I stop when I'm facing Randy and Rhian. Randy is still staring. Rhian is just dancing against him, completely oblivious.

The guy nuzzles my neck. Slowly, I graze my mouth against his neck, watching Randy's reaction through half-lidded eyes. I feel the guy moan, his breath hot on my cheek. He tilts his head and my mouth reaches his in an instant. I press myself against him, feeling him respond in the same way. His mouth is hot, his tongue incessant.

I curl my hand around the curls that hang at the crook of his neck. He groans into my mouth. I realise my eyes are closed; I flick them open for a second and see that Randy is still staring. Or rather gawping. Did he just swallow hard like I do when I see him kissing Rhian? Did he just lick his lips?

I catch Rhian's eye and she grins at me, before tugging Randy away. He refuses to move. The guy's hands run down my back, grab at my ass, pulling me against his crotch. I can feel him hard against my thigh, my own cock aching, burning. His mouth leaves mine and sinks down to my neck, biting and licking. My skin feels on fire.

Randy stares.

Rhian pulls at his arm.

The guy whispers in my ear.

I nod and let him pull me away into the crowd, towards the bathroom or the exit, or wherever. I don't care. I don't notice. I just close my eyes and savour the look on Randy's face...

Did I imagine it, or did he look ever so slightly jealous?


	6. Chapter 6

Ok, so I know I said it might be a wait for this chapter, but miracles do happen! Lots of thanks to my wonderful beta for the brilliant idea that was what I missing to get the ball rolling with this one!

Also, I feel really bad that I haven't thanked all of you that read and review my little fic - I love reading all your thoughts - you guys rock :-) So big big big thanks!

**WARNING: Slash. ALSO: Derogatory language. **

This was a hard chapter to write because of the subject matter that will come apparent once you read. But I hope the last few lines make up for it... Apologies for... well, you'd better read on and find out :-P

**DISCLAIMER: I think we all know by now that I don't own anything belonging to the WWE. **

Enjoy...

* * *

**Chapter 6**

"Okay, so you need to put the trash out on Wednesday night. Not Thursday morning because they come to collect it at 6am and I doubt you will be up before then..." Rhian scans the kitchen and then the list in her hand.

"Anything else?" Randy asks, rolling his eyes at me.

Rhian scowls at him. "Yes." She sticks the list to the refrigerator.

"Oh c'mon baby, we're grown men, I'm sure we can look after ourselves. We just let you think that we need you..." he grins at her.

"Fine, I won't come back then," Rhian sticks her tongue out. "You wouldn't last longer than a week without me."

Randy winks at her. "Okay, so maybe I won't be able to live without one or two things."

Rhian gives him a sickly sweet grin, before turning to me. "Look after him for me Codes?"

"Sure." I stand in the doorway, feeling uncomfortable.

"And you," she says to Randy, "you look after Codes yes?"

"Yes m'am."

"I will be back on Sunday."

"We know..." Randy groans as he pulls her into his arms. I avert my gaze and only have to hear their kiss that seems to go on forever.

On her way past, Rhian kisses my cheek. Randy follows her. The door opens, more kissing, then closes. Randy reappears at my side.

"Alone," he says.

"Yeah."

"Beer?"

"Sure."

Things have been strange since the night at the bar a few weeks ago. Nothing has been said, but I can feel it. Randy keeps casting sideways glances at me which make me feel... well, not good. It's not disgust, but it's not anything else either. Curiosity? Interest? Or is it just my imagination? I haven't actually caught him staring at me, I can just feel it.

Rhian is just completely oblivious to everything. She's been too occupied with her trip to New York with her friends. One week. One week alone with Randy in an empty house.

Randy cuts through my thoughts, placing the cold beer on my forearm. I scowl and he chuckles.

"So what you up to tonight?"

"I..." Oh god, I was hoping he wouldn't ask. I just wanted to slip out the door. "I've got a date... Sort of. Well not really..."

"Oh." Randy recovers quickly. "Well cool, dude."

"It's a blind date," I blurt out.

"A blind date?"

"Sort of. It's off some website. A guy in a bar told me about it. He said it was good. So I... I thought I would give it a try."

"It's cool Codes."

But I can't stop. "He seems nice, I guess. But how much can you tell over the Internet right? I'm so fucking nervous though, I mean-"

"Seriously, Codes, stop talking!"

I feel myself go red. "Sorry... I didn't mean to make you feel..."

"What? When are you going to get it? I'm not going to judge you on what you want to do. It's cool. Seriously. It's fine. Just because I don't question you about it like Rhi does, doesn't make me uninterested. I would be the same if you were into chicks."

I doubt that last statement, but I don't say anything. I've seen Randy chat to John about John's latest conquests. I don't think that I'll be getting the same treatment if I fuck this guy tonight.

Randy strolls past me. Conversation over.

* * *

I stand awkwardly outside the club. It's nine and I'm wondering if I got the time wrong. Or if I'm too late. Or if I'm too early. Or if he's come seen me and gone. Or if he's watching me, making up his mind. I should have looked at his picture again before I left the house. Did he have brown hair or blonde hair? Shit... How tall was he? Fuck, what was his name? We should have swapped numbers. We should have talked on the phone first. We should have at least chatted on IM or something. Five emails and we decide to meet. Five fucking emails just so I can stand a chance at getting laid. I'm desperate. I reek of desperate.

"Cody?"

I wheel around and almost bump into him.

"Hi."

He offers his hand. "Hi. I'm Tom."

I take his hand. His fingers glide against mine, curling over mine. It feels weird.

"Shall we...?" he gestures to the entrance.

"Sure."

He smiles and I force one back. As I follow him, I notice he's only my height. I thought he would be taller. He's built like a brick too. His picture really didn't show this. He's still pretty cute though. He keeps throwing glances over his shoulder at me, as I follow him to the bar. Something niggles at the back of my mind – something isn't quite right. Something doesn't seem right about his face. I mean, even if I have misconstrued his photo, surely something in real life would trigger my memory of it. But he doesn't look right... Definitely not how I remember.

But then he turns around completely, takes both of my hands in his and pulls me through the last of the crowd. He pulls me against him, his back against the bar, my chest hard against his. And I forget my doubts.

* * *

I clutch at his shirt desperately as we stumble up the steps to the front door. Tom's mouth is barely an inch from mine, and god, I'm aching to just graze my lips against his. But he won't let me. "Not yet," he keeps saying, a smirk spreading slowly as he says it again and again. Driving me fucking crazy every time.

As I fumble with the key, he rocks his hips against my ass, making me even more desperate. Finally, the door gives way and we practically fall in our haste to get over the threshold, the door banging off the wall. Tom kicks the door close behind us with a slam. But I don't care; having someone is my arms just feels so good.

The lounge is dark as we crash through towards the stairs. But on the stairs, Tom shakes his head.

"What?" I whisper.

"Here..."

"No..."

"Yes..." His hand curls around the back of my neck, he presses his forehead against mine.

"Okay..." I grasp at his shirt, my fingers attacking the buttons. Not giving a damn that Randy could easily walk in on us, I push my hands inside as I free the last button. He chuckles softly. "What?"

"Nothing..." He stands there, hands at his side, watching me. "Dirty fuck," he murmurs.

I ignore him. Other guys have said crazier shit than that. I nuzzle at his neck, only vaguely realising that he's not responding. I tentatively press a kiss against the skin.

"Dirty fucking bitch..."

"What?" I pull back. I swallow hard. He cocks his head to one side, his eyes narrowed.

"Dirty... fucking... bitch..."

I feel my face screw up in confusion. "Tom..."

"Don't say my name."

I hold up my hands in defeat. "Look, if you don't want to do anything then that's fine, but you could have at least said something before."

He pushes me back hard. "I couldn't embrass you out there. Let all your neighbours know what a crazy fucking bitch you are. Do they know what you are, bitch? A fucking fag? Do they know?"

His voice gets louder and louder. He shoves me back with every question. I stumble over my own feet.

He grips my shoulders, pushing me one final time. I'm up against the wall, his hot breath in my face.

"Dirty fucking faggot."

His fist connects with my stomach. I can't breathe. I grasp at air, catching his shirt in the process. He snatches it away.

"Don't fucking touch me. I'll have to get this fucking dry-cleaned now won't I?"

"Wh-"

Another punch. Fist on cheek. On my head. On my nose. On my chest. On my stomach. I close my eyes and slump to the floor defeated. I can't fight back. I want to cry. I feel blood dripping into my mouth. What did I do? Where did the evening go wrong? Where did my life go wrong?

I see a light, bright light, hovering above me, god knows where. Then:

"Hey man, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"What's this?" foot to the stomach, "this your fucking faggot boyfriend huh? Jesus, I hit the fucking jackpot tonight – two for the price of one huh?" foot to the chest.

I try to squint, try to see what's going on. It hurts too much. So I just listen, slumped against the wall.

"Woah, dude, c'mon... I mean..."

Bone crunches. Somone yelps.

"Don't fucking 'woah dude' me. Get the fuck out of here."

More yelping. I smell blood. Or is that my blood? I feel sick. A door slams. Footsteps. Someone crouching next to me. A hand cups the back of my head.

"Codes? Can you hear me?"

"Randy?" I manage to mumble.

"C'mon man, sit up yeah?" He pulls my arms gently around his neck and heaves me up, propping me against the wall. "Shit..."

"What?"

"That fucking bastard, who was he?"

I want to cry. I want to fucking sob my fucking heart out. "My date..."

"How the fuck did you manage to find that piece of homophobic shit?"

"I don't know... Randy?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry..."

"Jesus, what for?"

"For this."

"Damn it Codes, it's not your fault. You just got bad taste..." he tries to laugh. I only manage a weak smile; it hurts too much. "Look, just sit tight yeah? I'm gonna get that First Aid kit that Rhi bought... You gonna be okay for a second?"

"Sure."

Only when his arm slips from my shoulders, do I realise that it was ever there. I hear him run up the stairs.

I'm such an idiot. I should have never gone on the date. What a stupid idea. Surely I should be used to the bitter endings? I'm living a fucking bitter life, why add more? Unnecessary. I knew that guy wasn't the guy. Or maybe he was, and he used a fake picture.

Randy returns to my side. I hear him un-zip the case and fumble for whatever it is that he's looking for.

"You should report him to the police," he says.

"What? No! I can't."

"Cody! He beat you up for being gay – that's fucking out of order, he needs sorting."

"Right, because you didn't beat him up in return?"

"What did you want me to do? Just let him carry on, let him beat the crap out of me too?"

"Just leave it."

"No."

"Randy. Please."

Silence, apart from a rustle and a cap being unscrewed.

"Okay. Now stay still..."

I hiss as he presses cotton wool covered in anti-septic against my nose. "Shit..."

"Dude, stop being such a pussy."

I clench my fists in response.

"So no more Internet dating for you..."

"No."

"Why don't you just do what everyone else does?"

"I tried that. I just fuck it up."

"What about the guy from that night in the gay bar?"

Are we really having this conversation? "Oh... well we fucked around for a bit..."

"And?"

"And nothing."

"You're worse than John. Bored after five minutes."

"I'm particular."

"Always knew you were picky."

"I know what I want," I mumble under my breath. Randy hears me.

"And what's that?"

"Why do you care?"

"Two reasons. Mainly because it's stopping you hissing like a girl..." he pauses. "But because, you're a friend right?"

"Right."

"And Rhi is always telling me to be more sensitive."

"Suits you."

"Bullshit," he laughs.

"Okay, it's a bit weird, but it's growing on me," I manage to smile weakly.

"Fuck, Codes, don't do that, your lip is gushing..."

I stop as I feel the blood trickle down my chin.

"Here..."

I freeze as Randy presses a damp cloth against my bottom lip. I can feel his fingers through the material. My breathe catches in my throat.

"Codes? You okay?"

He removes the cloth. I breathe again. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"C'mon." Randy hooks his arms around mines and eases me to my feet. I stumble against him. "I got you," he whispers.

I open my eyes for the first time since I fell to the floor. He stares back at me.

"Can you stand on your own?" he asks.

I nod. He doesn't let go though.

"Please don't do that again to me Codes."

"What?"

"I was so fucking scared when I came down the stairs. I don't what I thought was going on. And then... you were just curled on the floor, with that fucking brute... You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were dead or something."

"I'm not dead."

"I know."

"You can let go of me," I whisper.

"Yeah." He still doesn't.

"Randy?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

He nods. "I guess..." His arms slowly slips from mine.

I shuffle over to the sofa and collapse back, grimacing at the pain in my stomach. Randy bends down to gather up the First Aid kit, a bowl of water and a plate full of blood-red cotton wool.

"Do you want a drink?" he asks as he disappears into the kitchen.

"No, thanks."

I hear the water go on and then off. Randy re-appears, glass of water in hand. He gulps it down.

"Do you need help up the stairs?"

I push myself up and walk a tentative few steps. "I'll be okay."

"I'm right behind you anyway."

As I place a foot on the first step, I can feel Randy's warmth behind me. It would be so easy to stumble, to fall back into his arms. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his hand grip the banister inches away from my own hand. It would be so easy to let my hand brush against his. But, as Randy would say, I pussy out. I just can't risk it.

I take another step. My feet won't let me stumble. We reach the top of the stairs without contact. I should have said something. I should have said it's him I want. I should have taken advantage of the whole situation. I had him right there and now... He's going to go back to his bed, dream of Rhian. And me? I'm going to my room to cry myself to sleep.

"Dude, what's up your stomach?"

"Huh?"

Randy grabs me by the wrist, pulling my arm away from my stomach. I try to protest as he lifts my shirt. He ignores me. We both stare at my stomach, that's starting to turn from red to a grey-blue, almost purple.

"The sick fuck," Randy growls.

"I'll be okay... I've had worse."

"Worse than that? Bullshit."

"It's only a bruise." I pull away and hobble to my room as quickly as I can.

"Codes." Randy's fingers curl around my wrist.

"What?" I twist around.

Our lips meet for a brief second.

Randy freezes. I freeze. His fingers dig into my wrist. He swallows. And then he moves close again, his tongue wetting his lips before they touch mine for a second time.


	7. Chapter 7

OK, I'll keep this brief - I know you just wanna find out what happened after the last chapter lol. I apologise again - what can I say, I love a slow, torturous burn...!

I am forever indebted to my wonderful beta Blazing Glory - without her this chapter would be nothing. She salvaged it late last night and I am so very very grateful!

And as always - thank you for your reviews - they made me laugh so much last time - Chapter 8 will be for all of you who've stuck by me so far and it shall be a glorious reward for you all!

**WARNINGS: SLASH**... hell yeah :-)

**DISCLAIMER:** I own diddly-squat. Blah.

A/N: _Italics_ = flashback

Enjoy ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 7**

I stare at the ceiling. The rain hammers against the window. I turn my head and watch through the gap in the curtains, as raindrops trickle endlessly down the pane. Last night keeps going over and over again.

_Randy's mouth warm against mine. The doorframe digging into my back. _

"_Shit, I'm sorry," he mumbles, turning away from me._

"_Randy..." I murmur, vaguely reaching out towards his retreating figure and then letting my hand drop through the air when I realise it's too late._

"_No, god, I have no idea why I just did that. Sorry." His voice cracks with confusion._

"_Don't be sorry, it's fine," I lie, desperately wanting to grab him and kiss him until neither of us can see straight._

_Randy runs a hand over his head, finishing by scratching the back of his neck. "It's not fine."_

_He glances at me, his eyes stormy and unreadable beneath thick lashes. _

"_Why?"_

"_Because..." he pauses and glances towards the master bedroom. "Rhian."_

"_I think she would laugh."_

"_Maybe." _

"_It was a kiss. If you don't want to make a big thing about it, fine."_

_Silence. Randy stares at me and for the first time since I've known him, I think I see a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. I get lost in a sea of thoughts. What does he doubt? How he feels about Rhian? About me and my place in his life? Should I really still be here? Should I have left when I knew my feelings where getting out of control?_

"_Codes?"_

"_Huh?" I re-focus. Randy is right in front of me. I catch a faint whiff of his scent: pure male tinged with the familiar smell of washing powder that Rhian insists on._

"_What are you thinking about?"_

_I exhale hard._

"_About what happened?" he prompts again._

"_The kiss?"_

_I stare into his eyes, wondering what to say. The truth? That it was better than I ever imagined and that I want to kiss him again and again? Or do I end his misery and tell him it's cool, don't worry, I'll forget about it, I'll let him forget about it and most of all, I won't tell Rhian. _

_I take a deep breath. "Like I said, it's fine. If you want to forget it, I will too."_

_Randy glances at the floor, avoiding me again. I'm not sure whether he's relieved or angry or something else entirely. But he doesn't act grateful_

"_Okay. Well, night, I guess. Sorry." He snaps the words off in quick succession, almost as if they're bitter on his tongue._

_I watch him wander further down the hall, open the door to his and Rhian's bedroom and disappear. I stand in front of my own door for a moment. Did I just make a huge mistake?_

I've slept in fits. Waking up nearly every hour on the hour; the events of last night running through my mind like a fucking merry-go-round that refuses to stop. Did I make the right decision? What would have happened if I had told the truth? Or if I had kissed him back? I remember standing there, trying to take it all in – the feeling of his warm mouth on mine. But I don't remember returning the kiss, pressing _my_ mouth against _his. _

Fuck. What if that was my only chance? My only chance to be in that position, Randy against me, his lips pressed firmly on mine. What if that was it? What if I was too fucking stupid, almost star-struck at having the tiniest part of my deepest fantasy come true to act on it, and now I've lost him forever?

I roll onto my side, grimacing at the pain in my stomach. The clock blinks 6:00. I watch it flick to 6:01 and then 6:02. I throw back the covers and swing my legs out. I sit on the edge of the bed for a moment, frowning into the dimness, trying to spot my sweatpants. I grunt as I ease to my feet and hobble across the floor the chair in the corner. I find a zip up hoodie and pull it on before tugging my pants up slowly.

I notice that Randy's door is still closed. And downstairs, everything is dark. I flip on the light and wonder whether to make coffee. Finally, I fill the kettle, flick the switch and listen to it boil. I reach for the cupboard where the mugs live, hissing at the pain in my shoulders. Everything feels so much worse in the morning.

I pour the water into the mug, forgetting to add coffee granules. I chuck the water down the sink and then add the granules, shaking my head at my inability to handle even the simplest of tasks, as I pour water for a second time, finally making a drinkable brew. I pick up the mug and head for the back door.

The rain hammers down on the patio cover, cascading off the front in a mini waterfall. All the garden furniture is out in the garden, rather than under the shelter, so I slowly sink to the ground and lean against the wooden slats of the house. I gulp my coffee, wishing the rain would just shut everything else out, but it doesn't happen.

I sigh and roll the half-empty coffee mug between my palms, gazing at the end of the garden, the green trees blurry through the rain. Something tells me I'm not alone. I glance to the side and see a pair of bare feet. I look up and meet Randy's gaze.

"Morning," I grunt.

"You're up early," he states.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither." I watch him look around for a moment, hesitate and then shrug. He sinks to the ground next to me. Barely a foot away. So close, I could touch him without hardly moving at all. Is that what he wants? Does he want me too? After last night... No, don't read into this...

"Codes?"

"Yeah?"

"You... I mean, you're not bothered about last night?"

"What? No. It's cool."

"Are you?" I watch him closely.

He falters, trips over his words. "Yeah. I guess. I mean, yeah... But... I just keep thinking about it."

"Only natural I guess," I shrug, trying to act nonchalant, when every fibre of my being wants to yell out it's not okay, that it's definitely not cool in the slightest. You rescue me, you kiss me; you're playing with me and you don't even fucking know it!

Silence. God knows I've thought about it. All night that warm, sweet, gentle kiss played through my mind, making me ache for more, making me realise just how long I've wanted him to kiss me, touch me... want me.

I jump; Randy's hand is on mine.

"I keep thinking... what... well, what would have happened."

I swallow hard. Is this...? Fuck, why is it like this? Why am I suddenly nervous?

Wasn't I supposed to be the one confessing to him? It was supposed to be tentative, sure, but none of this shit after a simple kiss. That kiss should have lead to a that beautiful free fall of feelings and emotions through more kisses, touches and caresses. Not be words and what if's and would's and could's, accompanied with all this angst and confusion.

"Codes?"

"Hmm?" I say cautiously, not sure where he's headed with this.

"I keep thinking what would have happened if we hadn't stopped."

"What?" I stare at him incredulously. He stares back – all his cockiness and assurance gone, replaced with nervous, worried, almost timid eyes.

"Fuck... sorry, god what was I thinking? Shit. I mean, if you were even half-interested you would have kissed me back right? God, I'm such an idiot to even think that there was anything there."

"Anything there?"

"I..." he blushes. "I mean, I thought..." He looks down at the floor, raking his fingers down his thighs, digging into his sweatpants. "Did I imagine it?"

"Imagine what?"

"Us." Pause. "I thought you wanted..."

He scowls at the floor. "The other week. You were staring at me when you were with that guy. You kept watching me. I started thinking... wondering... Hell, I don't know what I was thinking. I'm obviously really wrong."

I can't think what to say in reply. So I sit there in silence, trying to force my brain into gear, trying to force my mouth open and get the words, any words, out in the open. I have him right here, right now. All I want to do is lean over and kiss him. But I'm frozen.

"Fuck, I feel like such a dick," Randy mutters. "Just forget it."

He gets up. I can't even stand. He slams through the kitchen door and I hear his bare foot steps across the kitchen, getting fainter and fainter.

The sound of the door catapults my brain from standstill to a million miles an hour. Did he almost confess that he has feelings? Or was that the confession itself? And now? Now the man that I've wanted, lusted after, practically worshipped for almost a year beating himself up because I couldn't say anything?

I drop my mug as I stumble to my feet. It smashes and I feel luke-warm coffee seep between my toes and shards graze my skin. Inside, the kitchen is empty. I hurtle upstairs following the sound of running water as I hit the landing.

I barge through Randy's room. The door to the en suite is ajar and I see Randy bent over the sink, splashing water on his face. I pad over quietly. He looks in the mirror and sees me in the doorway. He turns slowly. I take a deep breath and pray. Slowly, I step forward. Once, twice. A third time. Randy's chest is an inch from mine. My hands shake as I lift them and ghost my fingertips down the side of his face.

"This is what would've happened," I murmur.

I press my mouth against his. It feels so much better than last night. His lips mould perfectly with mine, his tongue warm and curious. I practically melt right there and then. I moan softly as he tentatively cups the back of my neck, his fingers working at a tension knot I never knew I had until now.

As we pull away, I catch his bottom lip with my teeth and tug slowly. My stomach flips as he groans.

I catch his gaze. His eyes shine with something I can't quite put my finger on. His hand still cups the back of my neck.

"Why didn't you do that last night?" he whispers.

"You surprised me. It..."

"What?"

"I didn't imagine it would be like this."

"Like what?"

"Accidental."

"How was it supposed to be?"

I shrug. Now it's happened, I can't quite think how it was supposed to be. All I can think of...

"I want to kiss you again." I cringe at my own words.

"Let me," Randy breathes, his warm breath brushing across my face, a split second before his lips do. Again and again. Across my cheek to my half-open mouth, painfully slow, making me melt against him. Never lingering, never quite leaving. His fingers curl into my hair, tugging gently, holding me to him. I grip at the collar of his t-shirt, twisting my fingers into the material.

But I want more. I _need_ more. I want to feel his mouth everywhere. I want to grip his hips, cup his ass and hold him against me, grind against him until neither of us can bear to be apart. I want to peel his t-shirt off, finally run my hands over his hard chest and stomach.

Cautiously, I loosen my grip and start to trail my hands over his shoulders. Randy tenses for a brief second and then relaxes. I let my fingers trail across his covered chest, slowing slightly as I test the waters. Sensing his consent, I grip his waist and pull him closer, pressing my chest against his. He moans against my lips, the vibrations making my skin tingle. I take it as green. I frantically push my hands under his shirt. Terrified that he will realise what I'm really after, I want to make the most of every second

"Fuck," I mumble mid-kiss. My fingers trace the grooves in his abs, my cock growing harder; I swear he must feel it. I have never been turned on like this, just from kissing.

Randy loosens his grip on my hair and pulls away. My hands slip out from under his shirt. I stare at the floor, unable to look up. I was going too fast.

"Codes," he whispers. He reaches out and runs a finger down the side of my face, ending at my chin and lifting my head to look at him.

"Sorry."

He chuckles. "What for?" He moves towards me, his hands now on my hips, his fingers gently kneading.

I shrug. "Rushing?"

"Never," he murmurs, pressing his lips briefly against mine once again, pushing me against the doorframe.


	8. Chapter 8

Ok, here we go. Dedicated to everyone who's stuck with me on this so far, in particularly my poor boyfriend who put up with me writing this last night after I came back from having a few glasses of wine - he is a saint in human form!

Big thanks as always to Blazing Glory, my glorious beta :-)

This was written to a soundtrack of two songs: Chase & Status 'Let You Go' and Swedish House Mafia ft. Pharrell 'One (Your Name)' - go and listen on iTunes or whatever, all I can think of whenever i listen to them is Randy and Cody grinding... *sigh*

**WARNING: Big major SLASH alert - lots of sexual content. And I mean _lots!_**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

Enjoy ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 8**

I lean my head back against the head rest and drum my fingers on the steering wheel. I've been sitting here for at least five minutes, gazing up at the house and the light that's still on in the master bedroom.

I needed to get out of the house. I needed to get Randy out of the house. The awkward conversation died away quickly after the other morning and we were back to normal. Just with added kisses at random moments occasionally accompanied with the briefest of touches, that felt too much even after that morning in the bathroom.

I'm not entirely sure how I managed to control myself. Somehow and for some unknown reason, I pulled myself away from his arms. He looked at me confused, but sort of grateful at the same time. Neither of us really know what to do now that it's happened. So from then one we just went back to being us, with what happened still hanging over us, only broken when one of us got up the courage to lean across and claim the other's mouth for a moment.

The light goes off. I fumble with the key in the ignition and start the engine. Randy appears a moment later, pulling his jacket on as he closes the door behind him. He goes to walk round to my side of the car and stops short, laughing at himself. My stomach stirs - right now, I'm the only person who sees these little things, the little laughs, the little stupid, endearing things that another usually witnesses.

Randy gets in beside me. "Feels weird you driving"

"Yeah, well I'm shit at directions, so better if I drive."

"I'm not complaining." He takes a breath as if he's going to say more. But then he changes his mind and stays silent. For a brief second anyway. "So, where are you taking me?"

I shift into reverse and back down the drive, swinging to the right. "Some place I know."

"A gay bar?"

I shoot him a look out of the corner of my eye.

"I don't mean it like that," he says quickly. "I just wondered. I don't mind."

"It's not a gay bar. Just a club that's pretty open and chilled."

"Where is it?"

"An hour away."

Randy leans back, resting his head like I did moments earlier. He closes his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Don't you fall asleep on me."

"I'm not!"

Before I can stop myself I blurt out: "I've never had a guy fall asleep on me and I'm not starting now."

Randy opens one eye.

I backtrack blindly. "I mean, on a date. Not like that. I mean I haven't, but. Oh fuck..." I curse under my breath.

He laughs. "Fucking hell Codes, chill out! I know what you mean." He pauses. "You've done better than me. I think a girl in college might have fallen asleep on me. But she was pretty wrecked. And I'm sticking with that story!"

I let out a giggle and then blush. I drop my hand to the gear stick just so I can be slightly closer to Randy. I swing the wheel to the left and gun the engine. I'm so busy trying to concentrate on the road and resist the urge to pull over and pounce on Randy, I don't notice his hand on mine till he pinches the skin between my thumb and finger.

I chance a look over at him. His head is turned, his gaze focusing on the darkness beyond the wonder. But in the glow of the street lights, I swear he's smiling in the reflection. His fingers curl over mine, his thumb rubbing small circles on my little finger. I bite my lip. Randy rubs a little harder.

"Fuck," I hiss.

Randy chuckles under his breath, but doesn't let up. I grip the steering wheel with my free hand, tightly. The sensation spreads from my hand, up my arm, through my shoulder, down my side and settles between my legs. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, wondering if he knows the extent of what he's doing to me.

"So is there where you disappear off to every Friday night?"

"Sometimes."

"Do you know people there?" he probes.

"No..."

"So what..." he trails off. "Ah..." He pauses. "You're not worried that we'll meet any of your previous boyfriends?"

"Boyfriends?"

"Or whatever."

"I haven't had a boyfriend since I was like 20."

"Why not?"

"Too hard. No-one knows. Not even my family. I mean, they've probably figured it out knowing them, but I haven't told anyone."

"Why'd you tell you Rhian? She never told me how she knew."

A cold wave of reality washes over me for a second. It's the first time he's mentioned her name in a while. She hasn't even phoned.

"She walked in on me with a guy."

"So pretty obvious then?"

"Yeah, little bit."

"So if you haven't have a boyfriend... you just sleep with random guys?"

"I guess." I chew my lip.

Silence. Randy stops rubbing my finger, but his hand remains on mine.

"Radio?" I say, wanting to end the growing balloon of silence that threatens to envelop us.

"Sure."

I reluctantly let my hand slip from under his and fiddle with the stereo for a second. Music booms out from the speakers. Unsure what to do with my hand and not wanting to be too desperate to touch Randy again, I rest it on the bottom of the steering wheel.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Randy watching me. His hand tentatively reaches out and creeps up the side of my seat, his fingers reaching out to touch my thigh. They edge up over the side and settle on top, inches from my aching groin. I bite my lip and try to breathe steadily.

We've only been on the road for twenty minutes but it feels like a fucking life-time. I press my foot down on the gas and watch the speedometer creep higher as we race towards the dark and welcoming club.

* * *

We stand at the end of the bar. Randy's jacket is slung over a stool next to us. I lean back, elbows on the bar as Randy leans towards me to say something that I don't quite catch. He nudges my legs apart slightly and settles between them, his mouth now practically on my ear as he tells me for the third time that he likes this place.

He pulls back and takes a swig of his beer. I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows. His skin glows every time the lights swivel around to light up our part of the bar. The place is rammed already and no-one has given us a second glance since we walked in. It's like we're surrounded by complete anonymity. And I want to take complete advantage of that.

I reach out and trail my fingers down Randy's arm, curling one around the ends of his shirt sleeves that he's rolled up casually to the elbow exposing his tattoos which I realise I haven't even paid attention to yet. Now's the time to rectify that. I graze my finger tips over the intricate detail wondering if he will ever tell me any of their meanings. I wonder if anyone else knows.

Before I know it, I'm at his wrist and the only logical thing I can think of doing is entwining my fingers with his. I glance up and realise that Randy's been staring at me the whole time, a small smile playing on his lips. He takes another gulp of his beer and places the empty bottle on the bar behind me, next to mine that I've hardly touched.

He glances behind him at the dance floor and then looks back at me pointedly. I nod and he grins. His hand grasps mine deftly as he tugs me away from the bar and into a throng of people. I grab his jacket at the last second. Instead of heading for the middle, we weave a path through the crowd over to where the DJ booth is. In the darkened corners, there's still a mass of bodies, but none that seem interested in anyone else except each other.

I pathetically hand Randy his jacket and he shakes his head laughing. He tucks it behind a pillar and then leans against the surface, pulling me towards him. Why do I feel like a teenager in his arms? I want to shift the situation, I want to be the one in control. Surely I should be the one in control? I know what I'm doing, right? But when I look up at him, I feel nervous. Not embarrassed or scared, just nervous.

Nervous because I want to do so much more than just be in a club, touch and kiss.

Nervous because I want him to feel the same.

Nervous because he seems to be more confident than me and it doesn't sit right with me.

The current song fades and a familiar one takes it's place. Now or never.

I drag Randy off the pillar and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down an inch or two, so his forehead presses against mine. I can feel his breath, hot and heavy on my cheek, on my neck, on my mouth. I bite my lip to stop myself from groaning. His hands... Are they shaking? His hands trail down my back slowly settling at my hips, pulling me impossibly closer to him.

The song builds in momentum and I can't help but twist my entire body against his to the pounding beat. His grip tightens encouragingly so I do it again and again, my head thrown back as I lose myself in the moment. I hit earth with a firm whack when Randy's mouth grazes my chin and then sinks lower to my neck. I open my eyes wide in shock and stare up at the darkness. His teeth nip at the skin and I moan – not that anyone can hear. Although I think Randy feels it, because his bites get firmer, rougher. I dig my fingers into his shoulders as he sinks lower, his tongue tracing a path along the collar of my shirt.

I bend my head and kiss his forehead that's slicked with sweat. He pulls back and I struggle to read his expression in the half-light. I brush my hands up the sides of his face and pull him back down to me, claiming his mouth like I've been wanting to ever since he touched my hand in the car. My tongue pushes past his lips furiously and his response sends shivers down my spine. I crave him and he desires me in return.

Randy's hands still grasp my hips, clutching at the loose material at the hem of my shirt. Gradually, he moves me, pushing his knee between my legs so that I straddle his thigh. I grind fervently against him and I'm rewarded by his teeth nipping at my bottom lip. Surely he can feel me through my jeans? Surely he knows by now what he's doing to me?

Unable to bear the feeling of wanting to explode in my pants anymore, I twist around in his arms and lean back against him. I squirm childishly, his breath all of sudden torturous against the skin behind my ear, ghosting down my neck. His hand moves from my hip and presses against my stomach, pushing me down slightly, pushing me into his lap, pushing my ass back into his crotch. His mouth claims my neck once more, pushing me further and further into sensory overload.

Something digs into my ass. I reach up blindly and cup the side of Randy's face, feeling his hot, ragged breath on my palm, before he plants a kiss in the centre, his mouth trailing up my middle finger, his tongue swirling briefly over the tip.

Furiously, I flip round and push him back against the pillar, my hands pushing up under his shirt, pressing myself hard against him, silently begging to be flipped around, pressed against the pillar; pleading to wrap my legs around his waist and grind hard against him. He moans against my mouth, sending never-ending shockwaves to my cock. I tremble slightly, swallowing hard...

I trail my hand across his toned stomach, feeling him flinch and then relax at my touch. Down, between our bodies, my fingers grazing the belt buckle that'll be hell later, my thumb slipping between the three buttons of his fly, tweaking them slightly, almost giggling stupidly as he gasps against my mouth. I can feel him; hard... hot... wanting...

* * *

The minute I switch off the ignition, Randy's mouth is on mine. The seatbelt cuts into my waist as he pushes me back against the door, grumbling that the gear stick and handbrake are in the way.

"Well, if you weren't so fucking impatient..." I groan against his mouth.

He doesn't listen, just carries on, deftly un-clicking my belt, easing around me and letting it slide up to it's holder. With it gone, I can reach up and grip his jacket, pull him down onto me.

And then his elbow hits the car horn for a brief second and we both jump away from each other. I'm the first to roll my eyes and laugh. He chuckles quietly and backs away, opening the car door and stepping out. The door's open and he's leaning against it by the time I get out of the car and lock it. As I near, he reaches out and cups the back of my neck, pulling me inside.

"What now?" he asks, closing the door behind me.

I shrug. I was secretly hoping for more. It's amazing I managed to drive us home. My cock's fucking burning from the friction, caught between my jeans, his jeans and his cock.

"Drink?"

I nod. He disappears into the kitchen, throwing his jacket onto the couch as he passes it. I follow him. He sits on the counter top, rolling a beer between his hands. It's unopened. Somehow the image sends my mind into over-drive; his hands doing that to my cock. His hands _on_ my cock... Fuck.

"Codes?"

"Huh?"

"What you staring at?" he asks, a smirk playing on his lips.

"You," I say bluntly.

He raises an eyebrow. But doesn't stop with the beer bottle. His thumb grazes the neck and then the cap as he holds my gaze. I swallow hard.

He places the bottle on the side and my daydream ends as abruptly. He slides off the counter and goes to the refrigerator. He doesn't even get close; I grab his wrist and push him back against the side, my mouth on his. Fuck it.

"I want you," I murmur, pleading with my mind that he says the same.

"Codes..." he whispers against my lips.

"What?"

"I..."

"Don't worry."

"It's not that..."

"I... I don't know..."

I back off.

He frowns. "I didn't mean I don't know about this."

"Oh." It's all I can manage as my world threatens to crumble.

"I meant..." he lowers his gaze, frantically chewing his lip. "I meant that I don't know what to... er... do."

I want to laugh. Not cruelly. But he just looks so... well, he looks so anxious. But I can understand: being helpless in a situation, i.e. sex, where he normally takes control, must be weird.

"I'll teach you," I whisper. I lean forward and trace my finger down his cheek. "Come here..." I curl my fingers around his wrist and pull him away from the kitchen side, through the lounge and up the stairs.

At the top, I wonder which room. His seems... it would be weird. Mine? Even stranger... But he nudges me in the direction of my room. He pushes the door closed behind us.

"Now what?" he asks.

"No more questions," I decide, pulling him towards the bed. He resists for a moment and then slowly caves. I turn and tug his arms up, around my neck, walking us backwards until the bed hits the back of my knees and we tumble onto it.

My body practically explodes with the feeling of Randy's weight on me. I open my legs slightly, letting him settle between them. He props himself up on his forearms and stares down at me.

"Kiss me," I prompt. He doesn't need telling twice. As his tongue plunders my mouth, I shuffle beneath him, crooking my leg around his, using him as leverage to push my groin up and against his. I grind against him slowly at first, only gaining momentum when he responds by pressing against me, rolling his hips against mine.

"Shit," he murmurs against my lips. I let my hands wander down his chest, to his waist, fumbling with his belt, frantically trying to un-do, wanting to push my hands inside his pants. Propping himself up on one arm, I feel his arm slip between us, his fingers covering mine, helping me battle with the stubborn buckle. My shirt is halfway up my stomach and the cool, loose buckle hits the bare skin. I cautiously un-do the top button.

Randy groans into my mouth as I trace my fingers over the shaven skin beneath his pants. I can't quite believe this is happening. I pull my hand out and flick open the remaining three buttons. I take a deep breath and slip my hand inside. He twitches at my touch, pulling back slightly and then, as I curl my fist around his length, he comes back to me, with more strength and needthan before. I rub the tip with my thumb, moaning as he thrusts himself through my fist, begging for more. I continue the torment of his cock: loving every second, every moan, every thrust.

I rock us, trying to push him over, desperately wanting to be on top, desperate to be in complete control. He relents after several attempts and appreciate his willingness with a few heavy kisses, slowly dragging myself from his mouth to his neck, wrapping my lips around his Adam's apple and sucking hard.

I can't remember the last time I've wanted to suck a guy off so much. All I want is for Randy to want me more. I crave the attention, I crave being worshipped and for so long, all I've been able to manage is a quick fuck here and there. I slide down to his chest, unbuttoning his shirt, finally able to place firm, hot kisses to his chest. His hands grip my shoulders tightly, urging me on. I wonder for a split second if this is what he's like with Rhian. I quickly push the thought from my mind; guilt washes over me, but is soon dissipated when Randy arches his back as I reach his stomach.

I push his pants down, my hands grazing his cock, secretly admiring his girth, his length. I rack my mind, trying to remember all my tricks when it comes to sucking off. It goes blank. All I can think of is: don't fucking gag. I bite Randy's hip. He hisses above me. I bite him again and he groans, slowly raising his hips and then lowering them again. I grasp him, rubbing my thumb over the tip, rubbing in his seeping pre-cum, debating on what to do. Tease or give in? I glance up at him and seeing his eyes scrunched up in a mixture of what seems anxiety and pleasure, I give in.

I twirl my tongue over the tip, grinning to myself as he groans "fuck..." I do it again and again, gaining a different expletive every time. I sink lower, taking him in inch by inch. I trail my tongue up the underside of his cock, barely managing to take in four inches of him. He thrusts his hips up frantically.

"Sorry," he gasps.

I shrug, not bothered. I don't care. He could fuck my mouth for a whole day and I wouldn't complain. He slides further into my mouth, my fingers digging into his thighs.

"Cody..." he groans, his voice low and then high within one word.

I twist my tongue over his tip, bracing myself before lowering my mouth completely to the hilt of his cock. The tip hits the back of my throat and I tense suddenly, breathing hard and fast through my nose, desperately trying to control myself. He stops moving his hips, letting me do all the work for once. I slip my hand between his legs as I move my mouth up and down over him. I cup his balls for a moment, savouring the moment as he moans. Gradually, I let my fingers sink lower, touching forbidden areas.

"What..."

I ignore his protests, as I trace the small, yet to be exploited hole between his cheeks, brushing over it once, twice. He flinches, struggling to relax. I twist my tongue over the tip once again, silently begging for him to relax. I need him to relax. I let him slide from my mouth for a second, dipping my finger into my mouth, frantically drenching it with my own saliva.

"What are you doing?" he rasps.

"You'll see..." I murmur, letting him push his cock past my lips. I dip my fingers between his ass cheeks for a second time, smiling as he relaxes at my touch. I press against his tight hole, gently at first, desperate to know what it feel likes, anxious because I want this to last. I can hear him trying to steady his breathing. "Relax," I mumble.

"I'm trying..."

Slowly, I mange to push my finger past the first barrier. He flinches, groans, cries out. The sounds go straight to my cock. I twist my finger, working it further in, wanting so much to find the pressure point that'll drive him fucking insane. I can feel the second barrier and without much thought, I push through with abandon, only feeling slightly guilty when he lets out an anguished yelp.

"Sorry..." I whisper, pulling my mouth back for a second and looking up at him. He looks down at me with wide, anxious eyes. "What does it feel like?"

"I... I don't know..."

"Do you want me to stop?"

He shakes his head. And then pushes himself up, his cock rubbing my chin. I grin like a cat who's got the cream, greedily taking him back into my mouth, working away with added greed and eagerness, begging for him to come. He clenches around my finger. I want to add a second, but I can't quite bring myself to do so. I just want him to come, so fucking badly. My own cock aches against my the confines of my jeans and I start to wonder...

But I don't get a chance for my mind to wander, before Randy clutches my head, holding me still as he fucks my mouth, coming moments later. I feel warm streams hit the back of my throat and sink down. I slowly pull my finger out of his tender hole, wondering if it's too soon to lower myself and lap at his most intimate part.

"Fuck... Cody... That... Shit..." he groans, cupping the side of my face, encouraging me to crawl up his body, encouraging me to claim his mouth.

"How do you want this?" I whisper.

"I... I don't know..."

"You can take me... Or," I pause, "I can take you. But it's up to you."

"Erm..." he pushes my face away from his, holding me at a distance, staring at me with an expression that I don't even attempt to read.

"You choose."

"What do you want?" he bites his lip.

"I want you."

"Okay..."

"Okay?"

"You... you can take me," Randy whispers.

"Are you sure?"

He nods. I lean down and clutch his face, pulling him to me, holding him there, sliding my free hand between us, rubbing his cock for a second, swirling my fingers in the cum that's sticking to him. I scratch my fingers over his balls, lower, pushing through, grinning as he gasps. One finger... Hard, hot kisses... Two fingers... He clings to me, groaning 'fuck' over and over again. His hole wraps itself around my fingers, pulling me in.

'Roll over,' I murmur, reluctantly pulling my fingers out, praying to any fucking god that he's ready for me. As he twists beneath me, pushing himself up onto all fours, I lean over and tug open my bedside drawer, hunting for an abandoned bottle of lube. I scan the date on it and shrug – it'll do. Fuck pouring it on my hand, I just pour it on my cock, not caring that some ends up on the sheets. I pool some generously on the dip in Randy's lower back, throwing the bottle to one side and gently rubbing it down, letting it seep between his crack, my cock twitching as he moans at the sensation.

"You ready?"

He nods, glancing at me over his shoulder. I almost have to pinch myself – is this actually real?

I rub the tip of my cock over his entrance, almost exploding at the feeling. I breach him slowly, watching wide eyed at the way his body responds; his back arches, his fingers clutch at the bedsheets and I can just make out the side of his mouth forming into an "O".

I push in slowly, timidly, waiting for him to protest, to pull away, to stop this all, to tell me its all a dream. But he doesn't. He pulls me in instead, moans his appreciation, tells me to keep going. He clings tightly around my length as I push in and then out. I grip his hips, pumping in and out of him steadily, getting up the courage to lean forward and finally find out what I've been imagining for a long time... what he sounds like when I bite the back of his neck. I lean forward, trailing my tongue up his spine, chuckling as he flexes his muscles, moaning my name. My skin starts to burn. That slow, torturous burn that I haven't felt for so long.

I lick along his hair line, catching his ear lobe, tugging slowly, before I sink my teeth into the back of his neck.

"Fuck... Cody... Jesus fucking christ... God, this feels... Shit..."

It's all I need to hear. I explode inside of him, collapsing on top of him, my chest sticking to his back. I kiss the back of his neck as he reaches behind him and strokes my head fondly.

After a few tender moments, I literally have to peel myself from Randy, the sweat sealing us together. I go to the bathroom, grabbing a cloth, roughly cleaning away my own seed from cock. I rinse it and then carry it back to Randy. He takes it from me silently.

Then:

"Cody?"

"Yeah?" I push back the covers as he gets off the bed and stands there awkwardly.

"I... well, erm, what's next?"

Good question. What is next? Rhian will be home in five days and after tonight, I can't go back to the way things were.

I decide to not understand the deeper meaning of his question. "Sleep?"

He gives me a smile and makes my skin tingle. "Sure."

He slides into _my_ bed and I join him quickly, wrapping myself around him, kissing his salty shoulder, savouring every single moment as we drift off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

So, I hate writing post-sex chapters. So to solve this problem, this chapter is more sex lol. Enjoy it while it lasts because it's all going to get a bit messy in a few chapters... ;-)

**WARNING: Slash, slash and oh yeah, more slash. **

**DISCLAIMER: I own fuck all :-(**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

I wake up to a cold, empty bed. Fuck.

I roll over and prop myself up, scanning the room and listening carefully for sounds to suggest where Randy's gone. Or was it just a dream? I spy his shirt on the floor – definitely not a dream then. I smile to myself, close my eyes and remember. My cock aches. I want it again and again. I need more and more. I am definitely at my most insatiable.

I get out of bed and pull on my boxers, trailing my hand briefly over Randy's shirt, resisting the urge to pick it up and bury my face in his scent. I head for the door and peer out. The master bedroom door is fully open and no sound. I pad over to the stairs and then freeze.

"So how's New York?" comes Randy's voice. Silence. Then: "Sounds good... Me? Yeah I'm fine... Cody's cool... Yes, I will put the trash out tonight..."

I creep down the stairs. Randy's lying out on the couch, wearing only sweatpants that look suspiciously like mine. He slowly trails his hand over his bare chest, chuckling at whatever Rhian's saying.

The stair creaks. Randy leans his head and stares up at me.

"No... don't worry about me, go have fun. Ok. Yeah, love you too." He snaps his cell shut.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"No worries." He throws the cell onto the coffee table with a sharp thud.

"How's Rhian?" I ask politely.

"Okay I guess. Why?"

"Just... I don't know." I shrug.

"Are you okay?"

No. I'm not okay. I've just slept with you and now you're on the phone to your girlfriend, my friend, an amazing friend. Telling her that you love her. And you ask if I'm okay?

'Yeah...' I mumble in reply.

'Codes, c'mon...' Randy heaves himself off the couch and comes towards me. He reaches out, grabs my shoulder and slowly digs his fingers in and out of the skin. I have to bite my lip to stifle a moan that's desperate to escape.

"Last night..." I manage.

He smiles. "Last night was great."

"But?"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "No but's."

"Huh?"

"There isn't a but. Last night was great. And,' he pauses, leaning towards me, his mouth so fucking tempting. 'And I want more..." His lips touch mine briefly.

"What about Rhian?"

Randy freezes for a second, his smile fading. "Rhian... Don't think about her."

Guilt starts to course it's way through me. But then Randy claims my mouth, more forcefully than last time. His hand slips from my shoulder, trails down my side and grips my waist, pulling me hard against him. And I don't think anymore.

* * *

I lie on my front, moaning every so often into the pillow, as Randy trails his hand up and down my back. It's fucking heaven. He reaches my neck and I feel his warm breath on my skin. His tongue laps at my skin and then his lips press firmly against the top of my spine. I groan. He chuckles and ruffles my hair.

I roll onto my side and stare up at him. The sheets are pooled around his waist and his skin glows in the aftermath of sex. He lets his hand rest on the back of my head as I struggle to sit up and edge my way closer and closer to his wonderful mouth. I cling to him, practically straddling him in the process.

"Codes... are you never satisfied?" he smiles against my mouth.

"No..." I sigh back.

He slides his hands down my back, gripping at my hips, grinding against me. "Me neither," he moans.

I reach between us, gripping his cock through the sheets. Randy closes his eyes, letting his head drop back, exposing his amazing neck. I lean forward and bite a path up to his jaw where I trail my tongue along to his ear where I nip incessantly until I entice a gorgeous growl from my equally gorgeous lover.

"Fuck Codes... Jesus, you..."

This morning, Randy made the first move, but he's yet to take the lead. To touch me the way I need him to. And now, I'm losing my mind, craving screaming inside my head for him to make a move, take control. Still rubbing his cock, I fumble around for his hand. I curl my fingers around his and pull his hand between us. His head shoots upright and he stares at me as I tug his hand towards my own aching, burning member.

He inhales sharply as I curl his fingers around my hard flesh. He stares at me, wide-eyed.

'Go on,' I whisper. I grip his hand, tightening his hand around me, moving it up and down slowly. We hold each other's gaze, his hand moving faster, my own hand falling away from his, as I continue to rub his cock slowly.

"Fuck..." I moan, breaking the gaze as my head falls back. "Harder Randy... Please..."

I can't quite believe I'm begging him. I've never begged a guy before. I'm normally the one doing the teasing, but god it feels good to be teased. I hiss as he rubs the tip with his thumb. Shit...

"Randy..." I groan. "You... you're so fucking good..."

I can still feel his eyes on me as I bite my lip. He squeezes me firmly and I almost cry out in ecstasy. I open my eyes and stare at him, watching his lips curl into a small smile as he brings me sharply to my release.

I spill over his hand, his stomach, my stomach and the sheets. I breathe heavily and then catch his hand quickly before he tries to wipe my seed on the already dirtied sheets. I raise it up to my lips and take his middle finger, sucking it dry. His mouth drops open. I chuckle and push his hand towards him. He shakes his head.

"You don't want to taste me?" I pout.

"I..."

"I won't be offended if you don't like it. But I will be offended if you don't even try it," I lay on the guilt, only half-joking. He rolls his eyes.

"Fine." He snatches his hand back and sucks his thumb clean. "Mmmm..." he laughs.

I swat at him. "Cruel."

He laughs. "Well, if you like it so much, feel free to clean me up."

I don't reply, I just take his hand back and trail my tongue over his slightly calloused skin. He watches silently.

"What?" I ask, wondering if he could cope if I bent down and licked his stomach clean too.

"I..."

"You know, the first time I fucked a guy, I was so nervous. He knew what he was doing and it was incredible. But then he kept asking me to do stuff and I... well I wasn't sure. I honestly thought that he would think I was actually crap at sex, that all I was good for was just lying there whilst he fucked or blew me senseless."

"Were you?"

"Well, one night I went over to his apartment, snuck in, crawled into bed with him and sucked him off. I just did what I knew felt good for me." I curl my hand around the back of his neck and pull him towards me, until our foreheads meet. "No pressure. Honestly. You do what you feel comfortable with. Whenever."

He chews his lip.

"You know so much."

"Only from practice. You think that I was instantly licking my cum off other guys? I was probably more freaked out than you. You think I rimmed a guy on my first time? Jesus Christ Randy, I never did that till my fourth or fifth boyfriend." I watch his eyes widen at the last statement. "Dude... Randy... it's cool. Slow is cool. Like I said whenever. I'm here."

He nods slowly. I grin encouragingly. He smiles.

* * *

I open the cupboard and get a glass. It's two am and I can't sleep. I haven't shared my bed for so long, that I keep waking up every time I roll over and bump into Randy's firm, dead to the world, frame. I stare out at the dark garden as I fill my glass with water.

Two more days and then Rhian is back. And then a week later and me and Randy fly to Europe. We got the tickets through this morning and I could have sworn his eyes lit up. Two weeks sharing hotel rooms. One week of torture, followed by two weeks sharing a room with a guy I think I can't quite live without.

This week has been strange, but great. Waking up next to each other, that incredible hour in the shower, the groping at the back of an empty cinema, the fuck in the parking lot afterwards, the tender, almost heart-breaking kisses in front of the TV, the long, lingering kisses before we fall asleep. I shake my head, I'm such a sap. Who would have thought an obsession would turn into something so tender? And with Randy? As much as I dreamed, hoped, wanted... It was nothing compared to this past week.

In the reflection of the window, I see a shadow in the doorway. I swing around. Randy stands there.

"Hey, you okay man?"

"Thirsty."

He nods, coming towards me. "You coming back to bed?"

"Yeah." I gulp at the water and set the empty glass back down. I go to brush past him, intent on taking his hand and pulling him with me, wondering if he'll be up for another round. But he grabs my arm instead and shakes his head.

"I'm not," he whispers.

"Huh?"

"I'm not going back to bed... Not yet anyway." He pushes me back against the kitchen counter, his body pressing against me.

"Wh-"

He silences me with his hand and then his lips. His hand trails down my bare chest to the waist-band of my boxers, where he traces the material with his finger.

"You said you'd be ready whenever," he murmurs, his mouth leaving mine, tracing along my jawline, down my neck.

"Yeah," is all I can get out. His fingers slide into my boxers, my cock stirring at their touch. He chuckles.

"You said you did what you knew you liked."

"Mmm," I manage.

His hand curls around my cock and starts stroking firmly, evenly. "I like this..."

"Me... me too..." I groan.

"And I like this..." he whispers, pressing his mouth to my collar bone and sucking hard. "And this..." he swirls his tongue over my nipple, making me hiss.

His hand gets faster, as he slowly makes his way down my body.

"I definitely like this," he murmurs, as he pulls my boxers down slowly, biting my hip, then trailing his tongue down one side of the V in my muscles between my torso and legs.

I chance a look down at him. He stares up at me, his tongue licking his lips, his hand still tugging at my cock, his other hand gripping my thigh.

"I love it when you do this..." His breath is hot on my sensitive skin, just before his tongue traces along the slit in the head of my cock.

"Jesus..." I moan.

"And I fucking adore it when you do this." My cock disappears into his mouth. His tongue swirls incessantly over the head, as I groan, hiss, moan, curse, cry out...

His hand grips the base, his thumb running over the side of my balls. He pulls back and looks up at me, his lips plump and bruised, his cheeks flushed, a small string of saliva sticking to his chin.

"You like?" he asks.

"Love."

"Good."

"I... fuck..." I hiss, as his mouth covers me again, sucking me in inch by inch. Both his hands grip my thighs, as he desperately tries to take me all into his mouth. His nose rubs at the hairless skin of my pelvis and I cling to the counter top, not wanting to collapse, not wanting to end this, not wanting it to ever end.

"Randy... Oh fuck... Randy... I'm so fucking close..."

His throat tightens around my cock and I wonder if he's about to gag. Too late. I spill into his mouth. His tongue laps the underside of my cock as I send streams of sticky whiteness down his throat.

Spent, I pull myself out of his mouth and slide down to the floor. Randy wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and looks at me, nervousness showing through his wide eyes.

I reach out and pull his mouth to mine, eager to taste myself. His tongue curls around mine as I kiss him hungrily.

"You know more than me," I murmur.

He shakes his head. "I just did what you said."

"I didn't say anything about deep-throating."

"I liked it. So I thought you probably did to."

I chuckle and pull him against me, moaning as his hand rubs my tender cock. I'm definitely not the only insatiable one around here.


	10. Chapter 10

Here we go again :-) Thanks for all the fabulous reviews - you lot keep me writing! As does my wonderful beta Blazing Glory - truly inspirational with all her wonderful plot ideas, her expert eyes to spot all my stupid errors and her amazing suggestions on beefing up what has been a difficult chapter!

**WARNING: SLASH** (Like you need to know ten chapters in lol)

**DISCLAIMER:** Nothing is mine. Apart from Rhian. (Oh yeah, she's back...)

;-)

* * *

**Chapter 10**

I lean into the stream of water, biting my lip as the boiling hot water hits my skin. It burns but I don't care. Right now, Randy is driving to the airport to pick up Rhian. And I need to get rid of his smell, the stench of sex that's clung to my skin all week. Showers with Randy don't result in either of us getting cleaner.

Last night was painful. We slept in our own beds for the first time in seven days. Okay, so maybe he sneaked into mine for an hour or two, but when I woke around four, he was gone. I don't know why we did it – guilt? On who's part though? I know that with every minute that ticks closer to Rhian being back in the house, the guilt is spreading through me. Not that I regret any of it. I just...

The hot water becomes too much to bear and I twist the handle back to a reasonable temperature.

Randy doesn't seem to feel any guilt. Which un-nerves me ever so slightly. Maybe I'm not the first. Well, I'm the first guy, but the first ever? Before Rhian, he probably fucked anything that moved, multiple girls on the go at any one time. I've only known him four years and in those four years I've only seen him with Rhian. But what do I know? I didn't even know that he felt the same way about me until he kissed me. So maybe he's good at keeping secrets.

Secrets. I'm shit at them. The one biggest secret in my life was my sexuality and I gave that one up all too easily. How long before I break down and confess all to someone, anyone? What if Randy breaks? What if Rhian twigs? Fuck.

I take a few deep breathes. No. I will not break. Randy will not break. Everything is normal. Normality for a week. And then two blissful weeks... I sigh and wonder if I have time before normal life ensues... I drop one hand to my cock, close my eyes and remember what it feels like to have Randy's hand wrapped around it, my hand on the back of his head as he takes me into his mouth.

* * *

I grip the arm rest as the key slides in the lock. I'm on the couch staring blindly at the TV, desperate to focus on anything but the sight that's about to walk through the door.

"Codes!" Rhian shrieks, throwing her bags on the floor and making a bee-line to me. I manage to get to my feet before she throws herself on top of me. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek. I have to think about breathing. I pray that she can't smell Randy on me – I swear no matter how hard I scrubbed, he was still there, seeping through my pores.

"Hey, how was your trip?" I ask as she finally pulls away.

"Brilliant! Oh my god, you should have seen some of the crazy bars we went to – you would have loved it! Next trip, you can be an honorary guest," she grins.

You might be wishing that had happened this time, I think to myself, forcing to keep my mouth shut and not let anything untoward slip out.

I chance a look at the door and see Randy standing there, carefully avoiding my eye.

"How was your week?" Rhian asks, flopping onto the couch. "I see the house is still standing."

"Yeah, we remembered the trash and everything else, despite your phone call," Randy says, making his way over to her. He sits down next to her and I go cold as he wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulls her close and kisses her head. I watch as she giggles and squirms against him. He chuckles, his fingertips ghosting down the bare skin of her arm. She shivers and I quickly offer to make coffee.

Alone in the kitchen, I stare I try desperately to keep it together. Was I really this stupid to think it would be easy? I'm dreading later – the I've-missed-you-so-much sex that will ensure, the how-can-I-ever-be-away-from-you fucking that'll continue into the early hours, the I-will-never-go-away-without-you lovemaking that will wake me up in the morning.

I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don't realise that I'm not alone, until I feel a hand on my back.

"Codes," Randy's voice breathes against the shell of my ear. I twist around and find myself caught between him and the counter. Randy's arms are on either side of me, gripping the counter. I'm trapped with his mouth inches from mine. I can feel the heat radiating off his leaning frame. All I want to do is wrap myself around him and lose myself to in the ecstasy of his touch, his kiss.

"What the fuck?" I hiss, trying to hold it all in.

"Chill out... Rhian's in the bathroom."

"Randy, what if we get caught?"

He cocks an eyebrow.

"We won't," he breathes, leaning in and claiming my mouth. I kiss him back, despite of myself. My senses heightened, I'm aware of every noise he makes, along with the possible sounds of stairs creaking, doors opening and closing: anything suggesting Rhian is near.

After a moment, he reluctantly pulls away. One small peck on the lips, a brush of his hands on my chest, and he's gone. I sag against the counter, wanting to cry. No, I want to scream. I want to kick the cabinet in frustration and fear. Anything to try and realise this awful gnawing, nagging feeling in my guts, as the reality of our situation, our awful, stupid situation, hits like the proverbial ton of bricks.

This is going to be so hard. Practically damn near fucking impossible. Especially if Randy can't keep his hands to himself.

Especially if I let him get away with it too.

* * *

I lay outstretched on the couch, watching the credits roll. It's two am. I haven't even attempted sleep. Shoot 'em up films seemed a better choice. I carefully navigated around the movie channels, avoiding anything romantic, depressing or even remotely funny. So a film involving a hell of a lot of violence, guns, blood, fast cars and ultimately death seemed like the perfect choice. However, it didn't quite drown out the sounds from upstairs. I feel like I'm back to square one.

Only square one didn't hurt this much. The pang in my stomach when I see or even hear Randy and Rhian swapping loving comments and gestures, is deeper, hurts more, has a longer after-shock. Before, nothing was real. It was all in my head. My imagination. Now, I know what we looks like together, I know what it feels like to have him pressed against me, hot and sweaty, I know how god-like he looks when we kiss, how his back arches when I suck him off, the glazed look in his eye as I snap into him, blowing my load, the way he rubs the back of my head when I collapse, spent, on top of him.

The stairs creak and I crane my neck back to see who it is. Randy makes his way downstairs.

"Dude, what you doing still up?" he asks. He's wearing black boxers, his skin slightly slick from sweat. I want to lick him.

"Hard to sleep with you two going at it."

He flinches. I feel better.

"Sorry," he replies softly.

"Yeah, well are you done now?" Now I've started I can't stop. Something inside of me is getting a kick out of seeing him uncomfortable. Bitterness flows through my veins. "I'd really like to get some sleep tonight."

"Cody..." his voice is barely a whisper. "I'm sorry. But... but what do you want me to do?"

I shrug, suddenly feeling bad. "Shit, I'm sorry Randy. I just... fuck this is so hard and it's only been a day."

I get off the couch and switch off the TV. We stand at opposite ends of the lounge. Randy stares at the floor. I stare at him.

"Come with me," he says suddenly.

"Where?"

"Downstairs."

Downstairs is the half-built gym. The work stopped a year ago. I've never even been down there. He walks over to me, takes me by the wrist and pulls me to the door that leads to the basement.

"What about Rhian?" I glance back at the stairs, just as the door closes behind us.

"She's asleep. I... I waited until she was."

"How did you know I was watching TV?"

"I didn't. You weren't in your room."

"You went my room? Why?"

He doesn't reply. He just flicks on the strip light that runs across the ceiling. The room is half-decorated, boxes everywhere, a punchbag hangs in the middle of the room, weights are littered around everywhere, a stereo with CDs in and out of their cases piled next to it and the sofa-bed that used to be in my room is against the wall.

"I wanted to be with you," Randy whispers.

"In my room?" I'm shocked. Even I don't have the balls to do that.

"I wasn't expecting anything... I just wanted to kiss you." Randy's eyes bore into mine and for the first time I think I can see a flicker of guilt, of uncertainty at this whole situation.

"Two weeks," he breathes against my mouth. "Think about those two weeks."

I swallow hard. "I can't think beyond tomorrow."

"Don't think about it."

"I can't stop. You with her. Shit, she's like a fucking sister to me Randy. You know how hard it was for me before? Well now it's ten times harder."

Deep down, I know I should push him away, leave all of this. But I've tasted the forbidden fruit. I'm hooked. Temptation gets the better of me. I need more. I have to have more.

"Isn't hard for you?" I whisper.

"What do you want me to say Codes? It is. But... I don't know. I need you as well." Those last words are conjoined with the look in his eye – the guilt is gone. All that remains is determination.

I let my soul escape. All thoughts of Rhian ebb away as Randy's touch and scents wraps itself around me. He slowly guides me to the couch and I just can't resist. God, his hands feel amazing gliding down my sides, slipping inside the waistband of my pants. I close my eyes and moan as he cups my ass.

"Randy, no. I... we can't," I groan, a last attempt to make him see some sort of sense. Or is it just to make myself feel better – I mean, I did try to fend him off. He cuts me off with a kiss, his hand sliding around to my cock.

I don't try again. I sink onto the couch, letting him pull my sweatpants out of the way, losing myself in the heaven of his hot, wet mouth. All thoughts of anyone else are banished. All I need is the man on his knees in front of me.


	11. Chapter 11

OK, another one for you :-) Thanks to Blazing Glory for beta-reading - you are a true saint!

**WARNING - SLASH, blah blah blah**

**DISCLAIMER - I only own Rhian. WWE owns everything else. Blah, blah, blah..**.

Enjoy ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"So any luck with the whole dating thing whilst I was away?" Rhian asks, from behind her magazine.

We're sitting on the couch. Randy is out. It's Thursday. Two more days...

"Oh, no. Not really."

"What does that mean?" She lowers the magazine.

"I had a date. But it er, well it didn't end well. Turned out he was a bit of a bastard."

"Oh, hun, I'm sorry." She reaches out and rubs my forearm. It grates and I feel sick. "Look, I know you said you didn't want to be set up or double-date, but honestly, I swear I could find you the perfect guy."

"Thanks, but I'm okay for now."

"Well, any time."

She goes back to reading the magazine. I wonder how long it takes Randy to go to the store. The last twenty minutes of pain has now moved up to torturous levels.

"Are you and Randy okay?" Rhian murmurs.

I swallow hard. "Yeah. Why?"

"I... I don't know. You just seem to be acting a bit weird around each other. Did you have a bust up or something?" She doesn't raise her gaze from the magazine. I wonder if this hints that she already knows that answer.

"No, we're cool."

"Nothing happened?"

I chew my lip. Too long a silence passes. Surely I've given myself away even without talking.

"He walked in on you didn't he?"

I stare at her. "What?"

"He caught you with another guy right? I mean, I know he says he's cool with everything and he is, but I mean if he caught you in the act, surely that's going to make both of you a bit uncomfortable. I know I was a bit freaked out when I saw you."

Do I agree? Do I tell her no?

"He... I..."

She doesn't let me finish. "Codes, he'll get over it. You're his best mate. Just give him a bit of time yeah? He was a bit weird when you came out. I know he hid it well, but I knew there was something there that he wasn't comfortable with. He's only just gotten over that. This? He might need a bit longer. But he'll come round. And you two will be back to your old tricks again, making my life hell," she laughs at the last bit.

I try to force a smile across my face, but I can't. I open my mouth to tell her it's not what happened. That we're fine. I want to make up some excuse, but I can't think quick enough, or even think of anything that makes the whole thing sound better. I know what it must look like: me and Randy can barely speak in front of Rhian. I don't trust myself and I think he feels the same. Our fingers touched passing the salt last night at dinner. I dropped the shaker as he did. Salt everywhere. If we pass through a doorway, we both freeze, back away and then almost crash into each other when we both make the first move to go through.

"You don't have to say anything Codes. I understand you must be a bit upset with his reaction. But just give him time. That's all he needs. And I'll try and talk to him. Leave it to me."

"Right. Thanks," is all I can manage, wondering how the hell I got myself into this mess.

Randy comes through the front door moments too late to save me from the Spanish Inquisition. A grunted "hey" drifts along behind him, as he rushes for the kitchen.

Rhian closes the magazine and throws it on the table. She gets up before I can stop her and heads for the kitchen.

Closing the door slightly, I hear her speak to Randy.

"You okay?" she asks.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You..." her voice gets lower but I can still hear her. "You and Cody."

"What about us?" Randy's voice is gruff, his words snappy, practically confirming her suspicions without even knowing.

"I know it was hard for you, when he came out. But he really needs you to get over yourself."

"What?"

"Oh c'mon, you're going to reject your best friend just because he fucks guys? That's just fucking ridiculous Randy. And you know it."

"Rhi, what the fuck are you on about?"

"You walked in on Cody with another guy."

I can just picture his face. The tense jaw. The narrowed eyes. Taking it all in, thinking what the fuck, thinking what to say in reply.

"I just spoke to him about it. He needs you to just start acting normal again. And then he can too. He's torn up about it. You need to put this right."

"Right. Sure." Pause. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise to me. Say it to Cody."

"I will."

"Good. Come here."

I hear them embrace as I sneak up the stairs, breathing hard, thinking about how close, yet how wrong Rhian got it. Wondering if one day soon she'll work out the truth. Hoping that she won't. Praying that she won't. Because the day that happens, the shit really is going to hit the fan.

* * *

Cold wind hits me in the face as I pound along the forest path deeper into the woods behind the house. I have my iPod blasting, in an attempt to forget that a) I am soaked to the skin from the rain and b) to stop myself from thinking. I am still soaked and I'm still thinking.

Rhian still thinks things are weird between me and Randy, despite our conscious effort to act more normally around her. I can see it in her eyes. Thank the Lord we leave for Europe in twelve hours. Randy asked me why I didn't just deny that anything had happened. I told him I tried but Rhian had already made her own assumptions.

He kissed me and told me he was sorry. I'm still not entirely sure what he was sorry about. Sorry for kissing me almost two weeks ago? Sorry for letting it go this far? Sorry for messing everything up? Or just sorry for anything and everything that I can't possibly think of or even understand?

I told him I was sorry too, even though I wasn't sure why I was saying sorry. Why am I saying sorry to him? Rhian is the one I should be saying sorry to. Should being the operative word. And when I do say it, I doubt she will care or even realise. Because when I say sorry, it won't mean anything to her.

The path ahead of me forks. Left circles back to the house. Right circles back too, but the long way. I stop and lean against a tree. The rain is easing off. I tug my earphones out and listen to the pitter-patter of rain against the blanket of leaves above me. I can hear the crunch of twigs near by. I glance around and see a familiar figure coming towards me along the path I just trudged along.

"Dude, I said wait," Randy frowns at me. "Why'd you run off? I come downstairs and Rhi tells me you left ten minutes ago."

"I wanted to be on my own for a bit."

"I thought going for a run was our way to getting time together."

"That too."

He chuckles. "Had enough time on your own?"

I shrug. He moves closer. Just as he gets to me I slide out of reach, push my ear phones in and pick the right path. I glance back and see him shaking his head, staring after me. I wonder if he'll follow me.

I find out moments later. He pulls along side of me, panting heavily. I can't hear him over my music, but part of me doesn't want to hear him. He reaches out to tug the earphones out of my ears, but I dodge his hands and pull away, pushing myself to run faster.

He lets me go. I keep going until my chest is burning and I feel dizzy. I stop short, leaning forward breathing heavily.

"Hey man, you okay?" I hear Randy call out. My earphones have fallen out. I don't bother to push them back in. I feel his hand on my back, pressing through my wet hoodie and t-shirt. Warmth slowly spreads through me.

I straighten up, Randy keeps his hand on my back. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Want company now?"

"I guess."

We trudge along at a slow jog.

"Looking forward to that hotel room tomorrow night," he murmurs.

"Yeah."

"You better keep your voice down though."

"Huh?" I glance sideways at him. He grins back at me.

"You're loud."

I blush. "Not as loud as you."

He chuckles. "Touche."

I crack and let out a roar of laughter, despite of myself. His laugh, his smile is infectious. He reaches out and touches my hand, slowing to a walk. His fingers brush against mine, making me shiver. The rain starts to come down heavier than before. So cliché but I don't give a fuck.

I twist around to face Randy and pull him against me, clutching at his now soaked hoodie, grasping the back of his neck – his skin slippery under my fingers. His mouth is warm; rain water mingled with sweat on his top lip as I push him back against a nearby tree. He laughs against my mouth, shaking his head as I work my way down to his neck, unzipping his hoodie, slipping my hands inside.

"Twelve hours," he murmurs, cupping my chin and raising my head. "You can't wait 12 hours?"

I just shake my head and sink to my knees.

* * *

12 hours later and we're standing in the lobby of a hotel, trying not to look over-excited in front of the other guys. The journey on the plane was so tense, I'm amazed I'm still breathing. Every little sideways look was quickly abolished before anyone else could notice. The slight hand movement on the arm rest sent my heart racing. Even when the others fell asleep, Randy and I were still there, completely awake, staring directly ahead, careful not to touch, careful not to anything except sit there. Just in case. Just in case, like has happened many times before, we got carried away. Plus, I don't think there's enough room in an airplane bathroom for the both of us.

"Aren't you two sick of each other?" John questions as he chucks us a room key. "You live together _and_ room together on tour?"

Randy just shrugs. John looks at me. I shrug too. He rolls his eyes and wanders off towards the elevator.

I stare at Randy.

"What?"

I look at John pointedly.

"What did you want me to say?" Randy leans closer, trailing his hand down my leg as he bends to pick up his duffle bag. "Yeah, John, me and Cody are so close we fuck more often than you get pussy?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Exactly," he grunts, before skulking off after John. I frown to myself and heave my bag to my shoulders and follow him meekly.

The elevator closes before I can reach it. Randy doesn't even hold the door. So I wait, watching the numbers on the digital screen above the doors go higher and higher.

The other elevator pings open and I step inside. I hold the door for someone, delaying the moment that me and Randy will be alone. His snappiness is pissing me off. And it's always over the smallest thing. Things that don't really matter. And it's always accompanied with an almost sneer that I really don't like. It makes me feel uncomfortable, strange, small.

The doors slide open and I walk out into the empty corridor. I glance down at the room key and begin the endless trawl of corridors. I come to the room just as Randy is fumbling with the door key.

"Hey," I murmur.

He glances up. "Hey."

"You okay?"

"Uh-huh."

I really want to say something. But I can't quite bring myself to do it – part of me wants to shake him and tell him to sort his fucking attitude out. The other part wants to forget his shitty mood and get in the room, get him into bed and fuck him senseless.

I chew my lip. As the door closes behind us, I venture with, "why are you being like this?"

"Like what?" Randy flings his bag on the floor and wanders into the bathroom. He doesn't close the door and I can see his reflection in the mirror. I hear him un-zip his pants and then piss.

"Like this. All fucking moody just because of what I said."

"What did you say?"

"Earlier. About what John said."

"For fuck's sake Codes, just get over it. So what, I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. It's just John. He's always made stupid comments like that. Why's it any different now?" He zips up and flushes.

I don't say anything. I turn away from the bathroom and throw my bag on one of the twin beds. It makes a horrific squeak in reply. Randy comes out of the bathroom and flops onto the other twin. I stand there awkwardly watching Randy grab the remote and flick on the TV.

"Sorry," I mutter.

"What for?" Randy doesn't look away from the TV.

I'm not sure. "I don't know."

"Then why are you saying sorry?"

"Because..." I trail off.

"You can't take everything to heart Codes. Just because John makes a stupid-ass comment doesn't mean you have to have a fucking mini-crisis over it. Jesus."

How did this all flip round on me? I wasn't the one making snappy comments. I sink down onto the bed.

Silence.

"Jesus Codes, no need to sulk about it. One comment and you go all weird? He wasn't even suggesting anything!"

"You snapped at me."

"What?"

"You snapped at me. In the lobby. And then you stormed off and now it's all my fault?"

Fucking hell this is so petty. It feels stupid now. All I want him to say is sorry. No, he doesn't even have to say sorry. He just needs to say something that makes me know that he's sorry.

"You're mad at me because of that?"

I glance up, Randy is staring at me. His mouth is twitching at the corners. I shake my head, a smile forming across my own lips.

"Come here," he murmurs. He shifts over on the bed, which is way too small for him, let alone us together. "So stupid," he whispers against my head as I curl against him.

"Sorry."

He laughs. "Don't say sorry!"

"Sorry."

He runs his hand down my back and slips his hand down my pants, groping my ass.

"Me too."

His mouth finds mine. And what will hopefully be two blissful weeks of nothing but us, finally begins.


	12. Chapter 12

Right, here we go again. I've got the next chapter sorted too, so it'll be up in a couple of days. Sorry for the delay - I've been having major writers block (oh the joys), but now the creative juices are flowing, so to speak.

**WARNING: SLASH **and lots of it... oh yeah ;-)

**DISCLAIMER - I don't own them**. More's the pity...

Enjoy ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 12**

"Right... Well thanks for letting me know. Yeah, just drop the keys off at - " I stop, as the contractor interrupts to tell me he knows where to drop them off. "Okay, well I'll let you know when I've been round there... Here? Oh just under two weeks. Yeah. Thanks. Okay, bye." I throw the phone onto the bed.

"Who was that?" Randy asks as he emerges from the bathroom, wrapping a towel around his waist. Water trickles down his neck, curving over his sculptured chest.

"The contractors. For my house. It's all finished."

"Oh. So you gonna move out?"

"I guess." I reach around to scratch my back – that awkward spot to low to scratch from above, but too high to get from below.

"When?"

I shrug, half in answer to his question, half to try and shift the itch. "When we get back, I suppose." I avoid his eye.

"Cool."

I glance up. Randy is staring at me, worrying his bottom lip ever so slightly.

"I can stay if you want," I blurt out. "But..."

"No. It's fine. I mean, it was only supposed to be temporary right?"

Temporary. I moved in a year ago. Some fucking renovation. Temporary – hang on, does he mean us?

"It's only an hour away from your place."

"I know." Randy sinks onto the bed. "I... well it might make all of this easier."

"Sure." Yeah, even more sneaking around. I don't think my blood pressure can take anymore.

I go to walk past him, to take a shower and regretfully clean away the flecks of dried cum on my stomach from earlier this morning, but he grabs my hand. I look down at him and his expression scares me a bit. His eyes are all wide and anxious, almost pleading with me to tell him that everything's going to be alright. But mixed in is something else, that I can't quite put my finger on.

I reassure him anyway. "It'll be fine. Not like you need telling, but you can come over any time."

He smiles and the indecipherable look disappears.

"Don't mope, doesn't suit you," I murmur, pulling my hand free and heading into the bathroom.

I barely make it into the shower before his arms wrap around my waist, his mouth warm, his teeth sharp on the back of my neck.

* * *

Randy trails his hand up and down my back. The TV buzzes away in the background. My elbow is slowly falling between the twin beds that we've pushed together. Tied together in fact: Randy's thick belt is holding the headboards together. It's late.

Every day has been so tense. Behaving normally in front of Rhian was hard enough – but in front of the guys? I don't know which is worse. The evenings are killing me. It's cool when we're in the gym or on the coach or even at the arenas – I can focus on something else. But when we're in the bars in the evenings, when there's nothing to do except drink and watch John make a fool of himself with some girl, that's when the urge becomes too much to bear.

So we escape. Subtly at first. Five days in and we barely even stay for one drink. We just slink off into the night. Or rather back to the hotel room and get wasted in our own little world. Wasted and then fuck. Once loudly. Twice slowly. And the third time? With our hands clamped over the other's mouth, listening out for any noise that could indicate our neighbours stumbling back and wondering what the hell is going on next door. I'm pretty sure girls don't grunt like Randy does. Or groan. Or growl. Or shout 'fuck' in a really deep voice.

Randy's mouth gently nibbles my ear. I squirm and he chuckles, running his finger behind my ear, making me shiver.

"Think I just found your spot..."

I shake my head. My stomach clenches as he does it again. Shit... Damn that does feel good. I reach round and clutch at his head, urging him to do it again. And again.

"You know if you want to find my spot it's a bit lower," I murmur, unable to help myself.

Randy's finger slides down to my chin. I let him lift my face to meet his eyes. He looks nervous. I wrench my elbow out of the gap between the beds and cup his face with both hands. "Don't look so worried."

"I..."

"What?"

"Nothing." He replies, a steely look coming over his face. He exhales slowly and trails his finger down my neck. He kneads at my pulse point for a second and then carries on. I wonder if I'm pushing him, whether he's not ready.

I go to say something, but instead just gasp as he thumbs the tip of my cock. He grins at me. I pout back for a split second before he claims my lips. He strokes me firmly, making me strain against his touch. And then his hand moves up, gripping my hip for a moment, his long fingers kneading the top of my ass.

I haven't been fucked for a while. In fact, I can't even remember the last time. I've been so desperate to have my cake and eat it with all the previous guys, I didn't hang around long enough for them to reciprocate. Not that I wanted any of them to.

"Er," Randy mumbles. "Do I need lube?"

I'm acutely aware that his fingers have now sunk lower and are grazing my ass crack. "Sure..." I go to get it but he stops me.

"No, tell me where." His breath is warm on my cheek. It feels strange, this role reversal. Something tells me to just let him do it his way.

"It's in the drawer."

Randy plants hot kisses on my cheek, my forehead, my nose, my mouth before leaning over me, his stomach pressing against my side. I hear the drawer open and close and the click of the bottle being snapped open.

I watch him coat two of his fingers. He glances at me, hesitating. I nod encouragingly, watching as he coats a third. I chew my lip nervously as he throws the bottle to one side. It's been so long...

"You worried?"

I shake my head.

Randy raises an eyebrow.

"A little," I whisper.

"Why?" He asks, one hand on my cock, the other settling behind me.

"I... It's been a while."

"We had sex an hour... oh..." Randy chews his lip. "I'll be gentle."

"Don't worry about that," I moan as he presses a finger against my hole. Jesus even that feels excruiating. Just for a moment. I try to relax. I try to breathe. But fuck, is Randy actually about to finger me?

I cry out, as he pushes through the tight barrier. He freezes. I glance up at him.

"Go on..."

He presses further, gently wiggling his finger. I cling to his arms, digging my nails in.

"Jesus..."

My cock is pressed hard against his. I don't ever remember feeling this electric. Especially when I'm the one in the passenger seat.

Randy's finger is practically in to the hilt. His breath ghosts over my cheek.

"More," I groan. "Please."

"Are you sure?"

I nod. I feel his one finger slip out and then two re-enter. Randy's mouth sinks to my neck. His teeth nip the tender skin. Then his tongue soothes away the pain. Not that there is any pain in the first place. Just bliss. Just heaven. Just pure, unbridled heavenly bliss.

"What am I going to do when you move out?" Randy breathes across my collarbone.

"Use your hand and your imagination..." I groan.

"Won't be as good as the real thing."

"Like I said," I choke out. "You can come over anytime."

"Even at 3am?"

"Sure, I'll give you a key."

Randy is at my stomach, his fingers buried deep inside me, whilst his other hand circles my cock. His lips press against the tip briefly, making me buck involuntarily, making me groan wantonly. Making Randy chuckle. Just before his mouth covers the tip, his tongue licking tantalizingly slowly.

"Oh god..."

He scissors his fingers inside me, sending shockwaves from my core out to my finger tips. I glance down and through hazy eyes I see Randy looking up at me questionly, his mouth lewdly, yet mouth-watering sexy, wrapped around my length. I nod.

He adds a third finger.

I think I might just die.

He curls his fingers, stroking, hitting that sweet spot over and over again. I'm slowly melting at Randy's touch. His mouth deftly continues it conquest, whilst his fingers... Fuck...

"Randy... Shit... I'm..."

He stops short.

"Wh-"

"I..." he mumbles, pulling his fingers out of my clenching hole. He catches my eye. "I want to fuck you."

I swallow hard. I wasn't expecting this. I'm so used to him sucking me off and then letting me have my wicked way with him. To be sucked off and then be fucked? I really must be dreaming.

He scrambles up my body, capturing my mouth in a hard, hot kiss. He fumbles around for the lube, snapping it open and pouring a generous amount on his cock. Some of it ends up on my thighs. It stings, mingled with my sweat, his sweat.

"How..." he murmurs.

I roll onto my back, pulling him on top of me. "Sit back."

He rocks back onto his knees, pulling my legs easily alongside of him, leaving my ass resting on his thighs.

"Further..."

He slowly pulls me towards him, until his cock teases my hole. I close my eyes. I can't look at him for some reason. If I do, I think he'll take my soul. He's already taken so much of me. This is all too much already. I bite my lip as I feel him start to breach me.

"Fuck, Codes..." he groans.

I can't even bring myself to speak. My head is spinning. The pleasurable pain that's spreading through me is so overwhelming I can barely breathe. Inch by inch he sinks into me. I am acutely aware that I'm gripping the sheets tightly, twisting them around my fists every time he moves. His fingers dig into my thighs.

"You okay?" he whispers.

I nod.

"Tell me Codes."

I shake my head. One hand leaves my thigh. Then he cups my face, his thumb tenderly stroking my cheek, rubbing my bottom lip. I slowly open my eyes. He stares down at me, a curious smile playing across his lips.

"You sure?" he asks.

"Yes," I squeak.

He starts to move, slowly, his hand still cupping my face, his fingers grazing my hair, sending shivers across my skin. God... Fuck, this is so good. Better than good. Immense. Incredible. Amazing...

Randy picks up the speed steadily and without seemingly knowing it, hits my sweet spot.

I cry out, my body twisting and arching involuntarily.

He stops.

"No!" I cry out. "Don't fucking stop..."

"Wh-"

"You... fuck do that again..." I plead.

He starts again, cautiously at first.

"Harder..."

He thrusts in, burning my skin, making me moan.

"That's... it... Ra-ndy..."

I'm moaning like a slut. I'm shaking. I'm sweating. I'm groaning for more, begging in fact. Randy's hand leaves my face, returns to my thighs, pulling my legs higher. Blood rushes to my head as he pulls my legs over his shoulders.

Holding them there with one arm, he thrusts in harder, faster, whilst his other hand drops to my cock. He squeezes, tugs, strokes, rubs, making me drown in the sound of skin on skin, sweat on sweat, moaning, groaning... Until, finally, he collapses on top of me, my cum sticking to his stomach, whilst his spills out of me onto the sheets.


	13. Chapter 13

I promised the next chapter soon, so here it is - think of it as my way of celebrating the start of the weekend haha!

First off, I completely forgot to thank my wonderful beta BlazingGlory in chapter 12, so I'm sorry! She really is amazing - her ideas are fabulous and she makes my head spin with them! The direction of this story is constantly changing as I can't make my mind up on what's going to happen, so she is truly a saint listening to me waffle on about my ideas and then she comes up with brilliant ones that I didn't even think were possible, so big thanks!

The big chunks of _italics _= text within text (it'll make sense... lol)

Usual **SLASH WARNING**...

Usual **DISCLAIMER** - I own nada. Boo hoo.

;-)

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Randy's thigh is pressed hard against mine, his fingers drumming on the back of his iPod. His eyes are closed, his head back. The music is so loud I can hear every word. It's early and still dark outside. My face vibrates against the glass as I watch the cat's eyes on the highway flash past.

As expected, the two weeks flew past. And since that night, when Randy fucked me, made me feel so complete, I think I've suffered from amnesia – or at least partial amnesia. Everything is a bit of a blur. Kisses merge into one, the sessions in the shower, against the wall, out the back of a club all blend together. Randy fucking me, me fucking Randy – I can't distinguish between the two. It's all there, mashed up in one endless memory that comes and goes.

After that night, I distinctly remember something changed. Randy loving _me _changed something. I'm not sure what, but something is definitely different. The looks especially. Something in his eyes that used to just flicker for a split second, now lingers longer and longer.

Words that he hisses, moans, growls at me when _he_ fucks _me_ are never repeated any other time. Words like "mine" – innocent enough, but it's just the way he says it. The way he grips my hips or the back of my neck when he says it and then completes with a bite or a flick of his hips, making me groan out his name involuntarily – everything makes me think something in him has changed.

But part of me... Part of me loves it. As sickening as that sounds, I love how possessive (yes, that's it, possessive) he's become. In the bottom of my stomach when I groan his name and hear him chuckle and bask in the glory of it all, the uneasiness shifts and I feel something even more terrifying – love.

If he's changed, then I have too. I never thought I would play the sub. Not in an explicit way at least. In fact, I've always enjoyed being the one who makes the first move, makes or breaks a fuck or relationship, but now? Now I've given up something I haven't in years, I feel more equal – or less as the case may be.

Randy's hand slips off his iPod and squeezes my knee. I look round and he's staring at me intently. All I want to do is lean over and kiss him, but I can't. John is two rows behind us. It sounds like he's asleep, like everyone else on the coach, but we both know we shouldn't risk it.

For a brief second, Randy grazes the thick vein on the back of my hand with his finger, sending shockwaves over my skin, all centering at my groin. Then he reaches into his pocket and tugs out his phone. Flipping it open he starts to type for a moment. With a quick glance around he flicks the screen towards me.

_Do u think the restrooms on planes r big enuff?_

My mouth drops open. He grins wickedly. Forget everything I just said. He hasn't changed – he's still as cheeky, as daring as he was before. All those times in the basement, the risk taking in the forest and in bars... And now the toilets on a plane. Mile high club here we come. Quite literally.

He offers me the phone to reply.

_Sure. Big enuff for 2 rounds?_

He chuckles softly. He taps out a quick reply, pauses and then deletes and re-types before handing me the final edit.

_If u want. This morning wasn't enough. I need u again. _

I wonder if I dare ask him what he originally put. Do I risk it?

No of course not. Why ruin this?

_Need u 2. Shame there's not bathroom on the bus._

_Why? _Is the quick response.

_To finish off what u started this morning._

He gives me a sly grin. He knows what I mean. The half-blow job this morning in the elevator. My cock is now painful against my jeans. I glance at his crotch and swear I can see the outline of his, stretching out the denim.

_Sorry. I'll make it up 2 u. Promise._

_U better. Trouble otherwise._

_Yeah? What trouble?_

_Explain l8r._

_Now._

_Demanding._

He rolls his eyes at that. What did you expect, they say.

Someone coughs and we jump, twisting back round, my head against the window, Randy's back against the headrest. I watch out of the corner of my eye as he deletes our script and closes his phone.

John appears a moment later.

"How are you guys awake this early?"

Because we're usually fucking each other senseless?

Randy shrugs, his eyes closed. I shrug too. John grumbles his way down the coach to ask the driver how much longer.

"Like a fucking child," murmurs Randy.

"Mmm," is all I can say.

His hand reaches over and, his eyes still closed (mine pinned to the back of John's head), he strokes my cock through my jeans.

* * *

I lean back against the tiny sink. Randy's on his knees, lapping at my cock, cleaning away my cum.

I'm not entirely sure how we got away with this. I snuck off first. And after five minutes, Randy joined me. Quick and frantic against the sink, his legs wrapped around my waist, my hand over his mouth, his over mine; not daring to bite each other's necks like usual. The marks won't die away quick enough. I exploded in his ass after a few minutes. His selfish torture of my cock on the bus continued on the plane as the others knocked themselves out with sleeping pills, leaving us to act how we wished.

"Enough..." I groan. My cock is hardening once more. I look down at Randy, a fleck of cum on his chin. I reach down and wipe it, his mouth catching my finger, sucking it dry. He looks lewd and obscene, a dirty smirk playing across his lips. He has me right where he wants me.

"You said two rounds."

"Now?"

"I don't think we can sneak off again."

"Quickly then..." I groan. His teeth graze my hip, his tongue burns my stomach. His fingers sneak under my cock, and bone-dry work their way into my ass. It burns and I almost cry out. But I bite my lip instead, drawing blood. My eyes are squeezed shut.

The fingers disappear. A hand cups my face, stroking my cheek softly. I open one eye. Randy gazes at me intently. He tenderly wipes the blood from my lip. Leaning forward, he brushes his lips against mine.

"I... I can't go in you dry..."

"You can."

"No..."

"Randy..."

"I'll hurt-"

"You won't." I twist around and face the small mirror above the sink. I grip the base and stare back at Randy's reflection, as I spread my legs. I watch as he spits on his hand and hear him slick up his cock.

"Spit," he murmurs, offering my hand in front of my mouth. I do.

One hand grips my hip and I moan softly as I feel him line up his cock with my burning hole. Slowly he pushes in.

Savour the moment.

I watch every change in his expression. From the pain in his eyes as I hiss at the sensation of his cock inside of me; the flicker to satisfaction as I mouth his name; the way his eyes close slowly as ecstasy takes over.

But then, through half-lidded as eyes as I feel myself tense around him, I think I see something else. The uneasiness from earlier in the week washes over me.

Greed.

Hunger.

Obsession.

There for a split second, before a smile graces his features and I feel him explode inside of me.

* * *

"Randy!" shrieks Rhian, bounding towards us, bag, scarf and coat flying around her as she dodges her way through the crowd and flings herself into his arms.

Welcome home. I've definitely landed with a bump.

I can't tear my eyes away, watching as he cups her face, his fingers curling around her hair as they kiss. I watch, with a sickening feeling, as she pulls away and grins up at him, absolutely besotted. And the way he gazes back at her... I frown. He doesn't look at me like that.

"Codes!" she breaks out of Randy's arms and wraps them around me. She smells like him already and I wonder if she can smell him on me. She plants a kiss on my cheek, laughing as she wipes away the smear of lipgloss that's left on my face. Randy's mouth is shining from it.

"Some guy called round and dropped off keys for your place," she informs me as we all walk towards baggage reclaim.

"Oh cool."

"Does that mean you're moving out?"

I nod.

"Can't we do anything to persuade you otherwise?" she whines, her hand slipping into Randy's.

Randy shoots me a look. I shake my head. "I've been at your's for too long anyway."

"Never! Tell him Randy, he's always welcome right?"

"Sure," he replies curtly.

Of course, we're back to minimum words in front of Rhian. What did I expect?

"Gonna miss you," Rhian rubs my arm. "Miss our late night TV-watching."

"I'm sure you'll cope without me. Reckon you could talk Randy round to your way of thinking."

Rhian practically cackles as she twists to wink at Randy, who gives what looks like a resigned smile back. Why the fuck did I say that? Now I'll have to listen to her persuade him all night long.

I want to kick myself. Rhian is my friend. A fucking amazing friend. And I'm slagging her off for something that isn't even her fault? What the hell is wrong with me?

The sooner I move out, the better.

Randy and Rhian wander off ahead, wrapped up in their own little world, leaving me a few paces behind. I watch as he bends down and kisses her once more as they stop at the baggage carrousel. His eyes are open though. And he stares right at me.

I feel cold. I feel like an idiot.


	14. Chapter 14

A lovely little winter-warmer of an update for you :-) Hope you're not all mad at me for keeping you hanging... I've been on a bit of a break from the story (damn you writer's block) but hopefully I will get back on track soon. I've got Chapter 15 ready to go in the next few days so hope this will keep you going till then.

Mega uber thanks to Blazing Glory - amazing is an understatement!

As usual - WARNING: SLASH

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. But it's my birthday on Wednesday, so if anyone's reading and can hook me up... lol ;-)

Enjoy...!

* * *

**Chapter 14**

Alone. I like it. After a year of being in someone else's house, and despite being told to make myself at home, it was pretty much impossible. Although, maybe I did in the end. Not consciously. Or maybe... Who knows. All I know is that I'm not there anymore. And I like it. I love having my freedom back – the freedom to do what I want when I want. Like when I first moved away from home. Just my things. Where I want them. I love it.

Sort of.

It's a fucking nightmare.

I'm surrounded by unpacked, unmarked boxes. Boxes that just turned up in a van, dumped in the lounge. And I'm here on my fucking own, beer in hand, trying to re-organise my life. A life now free from Randy and Rhian.

Sort of.

My phone rings as if on cue.

_Randy_.

"Hey."

"I'm coming over."

It's been two days. They both came over yesterday to help with the stuff I had at theirs. Rhian was in her element, unpacking boxes like a pro. Randy and I shifted furniture up the stairs, into rooms, downstairs into the basement, all the while resisting the urge to kiss, to touch, to hold and cling to everything we have. Or had. Or whatever it is.

"Okay," I reply.

"Rhian's friends are coming over, so I've been banned from the house."

"Right. Sure. Okay."

"I'll bring beer."

"I've got some."

"I'll bring more."

I hear a door slam and an engine start.

"Are you okay?" I ask tentatively.

"Sure."

"Right. See you in a bit."

"Yeah," he murmurs before cutting me off.

I sink onto the couch. Alone with Randy for an evening, maybe a night. My cock is already hard at the thought. We only got back from Europe a week ago. The minute we walked through the door, I bolted to start packing. I couldn't bear it a moment longer. I spent the night plugged into my iPod, blocking out Randy and Rhian. I felt like a mad man. I felt awful. I felt disgusted with myself. The look on her face when she looks at Randy... I've caught myself looking at him with a similar expression. But the way he looks back at her. A look that's burnt onto my retina. He looks at her with love. He looks at me with lust. I'm not sure which is better. Or worse.

Rhian always says that he's never open with his feelings. I never saw that as a friend. As his lover? We don't talk. We grunt at each other. We moan, groan, scream each other's names. That's it. We talk dirty. No feelings. We leave that bottled up inside, never to escape. Except in looks. Looks that scare the fuck out of me sometimes. And then make me feel like I'm falling in love...

No. I refuse. Push that thought right out. Gone. Never to be said, thought, or even wander through my mind again. It's not love. It can't be. I can't fall for him. Not now. Not ever. Especially with her in the picture.

I down my beer, let the fuzzy feeling of a third bottle wash over me for a second. Boxes. Unpack. Don't think.

Love. Stupid.

* * *

Randy sits on the floor, leaning against the wall. I sit on the couch. We stare at each other. A pizza box lies between us, half-eaten Meat Feast inside. I'm buzzing. I run my finger around the lip of the empty beer bottle in my hand. It lets out a dry squeak. I do it again and again, until:

"Stop that," Randy growls. I hardly see his lips move.

I do it once more and he frowns. I want to do it again. But like a good little boy, I desist. I rub my eyes and look at my watch. It's midnight.

Since Randy arrived, one box has been unpacked. Good job. So here we are, sitting in silence, eating pizza, drinking beer and trying desperately to avoid the elephant in the room: us.

"How's Rhian?" I mutter.

"Good." Beat. "She misses you."

"Yeah?"

"Woke up this morning and she wasn't in... well she was downstairs on the sofa, fast asleep." Another pause. "Like you and her used to do."

"Mmm." I only asked out of politeness, out of something to say, to stop the enveloping silence that was swallowing me whole. I didn't need a play-by-play of their home life. I lived it for a whole year.

"I miss you..."

"What?" I feel my eyes widen. Miss me? Why?

Randy coughs, red rising from under his shirt collar. "I... er... well, I miss having you around."

I narrow my eyes. Sure. He misses being able to sneak across the hall or down the stairs, to grab me half-asleep, when I'll easily give in to him. He misses having his cake and eating it. My thoughts overwhelm me and before I can think rationally - "You mean you miss having a dirty fuck on a tap."

"What?"

"Shit. I didn't mean it like that," I scowl at my own stupidity.

"You did." He looks at me with a mixture of... hurt, anger, disappointment... And something else that floats across for a second. Pride? Is he proud of this? Of what we have? Or is he pleased? Pleased that it was me that admitted what this is?

Is _that_ what he wants? He opens his mouth and confirms my suspicions in an instant.

"If that's what _you_ want. Just a fuck on a tap..." He stares me down, spreading his arms wide, uncrossing his ankles, splaying his legs. "If _you_ want it..."

I stare at him, disbelieving. Surely... he knows I wasn't serious right? I mean, how could I be? How could he even think that I was? After Europe. After what I gave him. What I let him do. All those words whispered into each other's ears, mouths, necks... those words. Did he really think they were purely out of lust and nothing more?

Randy laughs.

"What?" I snap.

"Nothing. Jesus Codes, lighten up for fuck's sake."

"Don't you tell me what to do or think." I get off the couch, accidentally kick a box, curse and hop my way to the kitchen.

"What? You can't take a fucking joke now? When did you get all serious? What happened to you?"

"When did you start taking the piss?"

"What do you mean?"

I lean against the sink, my big toe throbbing. "You spend two weeks with me. I gave you everything. And then we get back and you... you stand there at the airport, kissing Rhian and staring me right in the eye. I've never felt like such a fucking idiot in all my life. And you... you just think that it's fine to just pick and choose your moments? You come and go as you please, never mind who the fuck gets hurt along the way."

I can see Randy in the reflection of the dark glass. But it's not clear enough to read his expression. I want to turn around and face him. I want to know what he thinks. But I don't think I can. I can't cope with any of it – his face, the truth.

He sighs. "What did you want me to do? Ignore her? Because that would be fucking brilliant – give her all the right clues to what's really been going on. She can't know. No-one can. Except you and me."

"You really think I'm going to go round bragging about this? You think it sits okay with me that I'm fucking my friend's boyfriend? Do you think that's a normal everyday occurrence for me?" Realisation slowly creeps over me. I'm the closet fuck. Am I that stupid to think otherwise? Of course, I'm the dirty little secret he refuses to admit, whether to me or himself. My gut clenches as I start to realise what he thinks of me, of us, of his choices.

"Then why did you do it in the first place?"

"Why did you? Don't fucking put this all on me. I distinctly remember _you_ kissing _me_. Not the other way round," I hiss.

"You fucked me."

"And you fucked me."

I'm shaking. I'm scared. So fucking scared. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut? Suffer in silence – god knows I'm used to that. I managed it up until now. Why now? Why open my big fucking mouth and ruin everything? I came close to it in Europe and managed to stop. But now? I've started – I can't stop. I want to lash out, I want him to feel the pain I'm feeling. The guilt. The anguish. Everything. I want him to feel it so badly. If only to make myself feel better about it. That I'm not alone.

"What do you want me to do Codes?" his voice is gentle, too gentle. It unnerves me.

I shrug.

"Tell you lies? That I'm going to leave her? Because I'm not. And... and not because I don't want to. If... if there wasn't anyone else. If it was just you and me, I would be here like a shot. But... Jesus."

I glance over my shoulder. He's staring at the floor, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"I... I lo-"

"No. Don't. Don't you dare say that. Even if you mean her and not me. Or the other way round. Or both. I don't want to hear it. I can't."

Silence. His foot squeaks across the floor, the sound setting my teeth on edge. His arms envelope my waist.

"If I can't say it, what else do you want me to say?"

"Nothing."

"Why did you say anything then?"

"I... I don't know." I pause. His chest feels so comforting pressed against my back. His chin rests on my shoulder. "We don't talk."

"I think we know why."

"I never know what you're thinking."

"You do now."

"I don't think I want to know anymore."

He kisses my neck. "Maybe we should go back to not talking."

"But..."

Another kiss, higher this time, making me drop my head to one side, letting him slowly conquer me.

"Talking doesn't suit you Codes..."

"Mmm."

"That's better..." His teeth nip my earlobe. "You sound better like that..."

I groan.

I let him slide his hands down my side, around my waist, inside my pants. I groan his name, hear him chuckle.

This is it. It's all I'm ever going to get – a quick one off against the kitchen counter, or anywhere else convenient for him. The bitter truth is hard to take. But I'll take it. I close my eyes, barely able to watch myself in the dark window. I'm disgusted that I would let myself be in this position.

Randy takes me easily. Proving to himself, to me that he get what he wants, whenever he wants.

My mind is twisted. So is his. But right now, I don't care how twisted it is – because it feels so damn good.

* * *

My phone rings. _Rhian_. What the fuck?

"Hello?"

"Hey Codes, you okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

"My head is pounding."

"Good night then?"

"Hmm. Look, sorry to call you this early, but Randy... he... well he didn't come home."

"Oh yeah sorry, I thought he phoned you. He's here."

"Oh." She sounds relieved. Too relieved.

"We had a few beers and then, well I guess he feels the same way you do this morning."

"Right. Okay. Can you tell him I called and that I promised my sister that we'd go there for lunch. Sorry Codes, I know you need help with the move and everything, but-"

"No, honestly it's fine. Not like he's much use anyway."

She laughs. "Oh god, don't make me laugh, I can't see straight. Just tell him to hurry up."

I snap my phone shut. Randy grunts next to me.

"Who was that?"

"Rhian."

"What did she want?"

"Wondered why you didn't come home last night. And that you've got to go for lunch at her sister's."

"Fuck."

He rolls over onto his back, the sheets tightening around his waist. He rubs his chest lazily, his eyes half-closed. He looks like a god. I chuck my phone, hear it thud on the floor. I lay back and feel Randy's arm slide under my neck. He pulls me against him.

No more words. Last night is forgotten. Sort of. In my head it isn't. It keeps going round and round. So close to discovering the truth, so close to believing there was something more. And then... I couldn't handle it. If he told me what I wanted to hear, it would it all so much harder. Increase the pressure, the intensity, the reality. For me.

For Randy? Who knows. He seems to have forgotten it all. He probably forgets everything he has with Rhian when he's here, and then, when he goes back to her, he just slides back easily into playing Randy the lovely, straight, boyfriend that wouldn't even dream of fucking another a guy.

How can he do it? I can barely look Rhian in the eye anymore. But him? He just switches, just like that. Easy. Simple. Smooth. Two different roles. With me, he doesn't need to do all that romantic shit that Rhian expects. He brings her flowers. He brings me off. He tells her he loves her. He tells me how much he loves fucking me. He kisses her softly as they make love. He bites me hard when he fucks me.

So different.

Randy's phone starts to light up. _Rhian_.

"Hello?" he says groggily. I slink out of his grip, trying to be quiet.

"I'm literally about to leave baby. Yes... I will... Okay."

As I creep out of bed and head for the bathroom, I see his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He stares right at me.

"Love you." And then he snaps the phone shut.

* * *

Alone. Again. No more boxes. Only one beer and the TV for company.

Knock at the door.

I slowly walk to it. Someone's head just kisses the bottom of the glass pane at the top. I fumble with the locks and open it.

Randy.

"Wh-"

"I said I'd left something here." He pushes his way in. His truck is outside. Empty.

"Where's Rhian?"

"At home." He closes the door behind him.

We stand there. And then his mouth on mine.

And I sink another level into hell.


	15. Chapter 15

So sorry, I was supposed to put this up on Tuesday but erm, I kind of got engaged that night...! So hope you can excuse me - I was rather busy phoning all my family and friends haha! And drinking champagne with my lovely fiance! :-D

Anyway, it's here now... Hope you like. It's gonna get messy... :-P

**WARNING: SLASH**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.** Where was my birthday present hmm? :-P

Enjoy...

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Rhian hooks her arm through mine as we walk through the club. I steady myself. Calm... Actually, I'm petrified. I know at some point I'm going to do something stupid. I'll drink one too many and touch Randy's arm at an inappropriate moment. Or I'll look at him in a way that Rhian will notice and then, even if she's drunk, will realise what it means.

Eyes down. Don't look up. Don't look at _him_.

Randy is at the bar already, leaning back, watching us approach. Rhian is giggling next to me. I chance a look up. Randy is giving her 'the look'. I'm so fucking glad that I don't live in the same house anymore. Sneaking around is killing me; to share the kitchen table with them again would drive me fucking insane.

No drinks for me. I am driving myself home. To my home.

Okay, maybe one drink. To steady the nerves. To get me through the torture that lies ahead. A night out with them both. Joy of fucking joys. Why am I here? Oh yeah, to make Rhian less suspicious. Apparently we don't hang out much since I moved into my place...

Randy passes me a beer. Our fingers touch, the familiar zing zaps through my nerves. My heart pounds. My skin burns. And I feel myself blush. His eyes are on me, I can feel it.

Rhian's arm is still linked through mine as she leans forward and talks to Randy. I've never felt more like a third wheel. The dirty secret of a third wheel though. The one that no-one really wants to admit the truth about.

Someone brushes up behind me. I glance over my shoulder and catch their eye. He smiles at me apologetically. I smile back. I shiver. That eye-contact tingle. The way I used to feel when Randy looked at me. I still get it. A slight tingle. More like a blow to the heart nowadays.

The guy stays, his arm pressed against my back. Rhian's arm slips from mine as she curls against Randy, whose mouth is pressed into her hair as he talks to her ear. Her hand runs lightly over his shoulder.

"Third wheel?"

I twist around. The guy grins at me.

"Yeah..."

"Drink?"

"I've got one... thanks."

"Have another." He slides a glass with ice and clear liquid towards me.

What the hell. "Thanks."

I chance a glance over my shoulder. Randy is staring at me. His eyes unreadable. His jaw is tense. Jealously? Really? Rhian cups his face and pulls it back to hers. I vaguely hear "oh leave him alone," before the smack of lips of on lips.

"What's your name?" the guy asks.

I tell him but he doesn't hear. He leans closer. I take a deep breath and place a shaky hand on his arm as I lean towards him. My mouth inches from his cheek. He nods as I tell him my name. He tells me is. Josh. The name floats around my head as I pull back and take him in. Definitely good-looking. But...

Another glance over my shoulder. Rhian makes little 'go for it' gestures, 'don't mind us' shrugs. Randy just stares.

Josh touches my hand. I jump. He laughs. I blush and chew my bottom lip. His fingers rub between my knuckles. I let him for a second and then pull my hand away going for my drink.

* * *

Josh's mouth is warm against mine. Gentle too. I practically sigh into the kiss. Before I stumble over nothing and try to remember if this is my sixth vodka or my tenth. Seven sounds about right... Right? Josh's hands grip my hips as he steers me forward. The mass of the dance floor pushes us back and forth as we, or rather Josh, attempt to get free from its desperate clutches. A light shines ahead. People disappear and reappear beneath it.

Only when I hear the lock slide shut do I realise where we are. Josh cups my face as he kisses me, pressing my back up against the partition of the toilet stall. He tastes of something... Something different. Not beer. Not fresh mint toothpaste used to cover up the taste of me before he disappears back to his girlfriend. He doesn't smell like... He has no scent.

My insides tear. I miss it. What the fuck am I doing? Is it so wrong to want all of that? Where's the excitement in being caught in the bathroom with a guy? God knows I've done that plenty of times. It's nothing new. Maybe that's what I like. Maybe Randy isn't the twisted one, maybe it's me. I crave that excitement, the sneaking around... Do I really?

Dirty fuck? That's what that guy called me all those months ago. Is that what I am in the literal sense of the phrase? The dirty little fucker who can't keep his dick in his pants? Will fuck anything and everything? I'm practically doing that now. Josh has his hands down my pants. My hands are almost down his, despite of myself.

The lock on the door breaks. Randy.

He grabs Josh by the shoulder and pulls him back, throwing him against the other partition.

I try not to laugh. Josh stares at Randy, his shirt unbuttoned, his pants unzipped, the tip of his dick poking out of his boxers. I look down and see I look the same.

Shit.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Randy hisses, his face pressed against Josh's.

"What's your problem?"

"You. What the fuck do you think you're doing with him?"

"What's it to you?"

"He's..." Randy's voice falters for a second. His eyes turn a steely blue. "He's mine," he growls.

Josh rolls his eyes. Randy's fist hits the partition. Josh jumps. He wiggles out from between the shaking partition and Randy's bulk. He doesn't even look at me as he leaves.

Randy turns to me. "What were you doing?"

I scowl. "Doing what I want."

"I thought..."

"You were with Rhian. What did you want me to do? Stand there like a fucking dick all night? Just stand there and let you fuck around with my mind?"

"Fuck around with your mind? What about me?"

"Whatever..." I look at the floor. Randy's feet come into view. I look up. His face is right in mine. Steely blue eyes boring into mine. I can't help myself. I erupt: "What? Are you saying that I have to stand there and wait my turn? Well that isn't going to happen. I'm fed up of that."

"I'm fed up of your whining. You can't have me whenever you want." Randy's voice is low, unsettling.

"But you can?"

"Why'd you even do this?"

I want to scream. I want to hit him.

"Because you're tearing me apart. You stand there with Rhian and act like nothing else is happening! You act like you don't give a shit about me! Even as a fucking friend. You show nothing. Nothing. No guilt. No remorse. You look straight through me when she's around."

The words tumble out and fall flat on the floor. I want to sink to the floor, curl up and disappear.

Randy thumps the partition and it rattles, making my back ache. He glares at me.

"You want me to show guilt?" he snarls. "Well I feel guilty every time... every time I touch you, I feel guilt. Every time we kiss... I see Rhian's face. That's how fucking guilty I am."

The words hit me like a cold shower.

"It's not all about you," he mutters.

"And it's not all about you either."

"Oh and who is about then? Rhian? I sometimes wonder if you care more about her than me."

"She's my friend!"

"She's my fucking girlfriend," he hisses.

"You obviously don't care that much about her if you're willing to come and fuck me the minute her back's turned."

"I don't see you fucking complaining."

"You don't give me a choice sometimes."

Silence.

I feel sick.

I stumble forward, pushing Randy out the way and hit the floor, my guts twisting as I wretch into the toilet bowl.

The noise echoes. It makes me even more sick.

Sick that I might have just fucked up everything once again.

Sick that someone might've heard us.

Sick that Randy is just obviously standing there watching me on the floor, maybe even enjoying the sight of me, broken before him.

"Codes? Randy, what's going on?"

A hand on my back. Large, warm.

"I found him in here throwing up."

Rhian's cool hand on the back of my neck. I wretch at the touch.

"What happened to the guy?"

"Dunno."

"C'mon, let's take him home. Get him up... Randy, c'mon..."

I feel arms heave me up. Rhian comes into focus, her face full of concern. Her hand reaches out for me.

I bat it away and twist around into Randy. He freezes for a second. But then, he pulls my arm over his shoulder and half-drags, half-pushes me towards the door.

* * *

My phone buzzes on the pillow, making my head vibrate even more. I hit buttons and eventually answer with a grunt.

"It's me."

"Hmm."

"I... Are you okay?" Randy's voice is quiet. Can I sense a hint of tenderness or is that just my hangover?

"Mmm."

"Codes... I... I'm sorry about last night. I just... You and that guy. I don't know what I was thinking. You were drunk. I... Fuck, I know I don't make this easy, but it just really got to me that you would do that..."

Honesty and a head full of pain don't mix. Flashes of last night come back to me. What was his name? John? James? Joe? The bathroom... fuck. Did we fuck? Did we get caught?

"I didn't mean to get mad at you in there."

Busted. Brilliant. And then?

"And we both said things... I'm... Shit, I didn't mean it."

What was said?

"Of course I don't see Rhian's face when I'm with you. I was just angry. I thought we'd gotten over this the other week. I don't know... I guess I... I was jealous. I wanted to be the one with you in that toilet stall."

I pluck up the courage to open my mouth and not be sick. "What stopped you?"

Randy sighs. "Codes... don't start."

"I'm not. But it never stopped you before. We fucked in your basement whilst Rhian was asleep. What difference does a club bathroom make?"

Silence.

"I'm sorry."

"Hmm."

"I mean it."

Somehow, as bits of last night piece together, I doubt he does. But I say okay anyway. No more arguments. Promise. Of course. I believe you. I don't want to mess you around. I know. I'm not laughing at you behind your back. I know.

The sorry seeps in. An apology. For what? Last night? For everything? Or for nothing?


	16. Chapter 16

Early Christmas present... :-) Although it's not exactly cheerful!

Big hugs, thanks, and everything else to my absolutely wonderful beta, Blazing Glory - she's given me a big kick up the ass and I am ever so grateful for getting me to get on with this.

Only two more chapters after this... That's my Christmas break - writing, writing, writing :-)

**WARNING: SLASH & LANGUAGE**

**DISCLAIMER:** I own nada. Apart from Rhian.

Enjoy ;-) & Happy Holidays!

* * *

**Chapter 16**

I pretend to be asleep. Randy's mouth stops caressing my neck and his arms slowly retract from around my waist.

"Codes?"

I bite my lip and bury my face deeper into the pillows. Inhale deeply. Fuck, his scent is literally everywhere. I can't escape it. Over the past month, he's been here nearly every day. On my couch. In my kitchen. In my shower, my bath, my bed.

I feel the mattress breathe as he gets out of bed. Cool air hits my back – he always leaves the covers wide open. But I can't move now. The only way to get rid of him for a few hours, maybe a day if I'm lucky, is to pretend to be asleep. Cold back and all.

My throat tickles. I try to hold it back. Swallow. Think of something else. Don't cough.

I can't help it.

"Codes?"

Shit. Stay still...

A hand runs up my back, fingers massage my neck. "C'mon... I know you're not asleep..."

The bed dips. Fuck. Randy presses himself flush against me. His fingers delve past the waistband of my boxers, his mouth moves it along the top of my spine, over my shoulder.

I should push him away. Tell him to go. To go home to Rhian. Where he should be. Not holed up in bed with me for hours on end. I can barely bring myself to look at myself these days. I look wracked with guilt. Only attractive to one person – someone who loves to see me guilty. Someone who passes off all their guilt for me to bear.

I moan in spite of myself. Randy chuckles, nipping at my neck; this time drawing out a hiss. He knows me too well. His fingers brush the base of my cock, working their way up to the tip, where he rubs his thumb, making me beg for more.

He enjoys this way too much. It's unhealthy.

But what's more unhealthy? Him enjoying me? Or me, enjoying what he does to me? I want so much to push him away. To tell him to leave me alone, even if I rot without him keeping me on the brink of survival. But I crave him too much. I can't tell him. I bite my lip; groan for him; beg for him; give myself up.

Just for one thing – for that look that he gives me as he cums in me. The look that makes me feel that maybe, one day, this will be all we'll have. No-one else. Just us. I believe for a split second that Rhian doesn't exist, that we have no problems, that we're just perfect and nothing can touch us.

His phone rings. The moment passes. His fingers disappear. My cock aches to feel them again. His chest peels off my back. I'm left cold and hard as the mattress creaks on his departure.

"Hey baby... Yeah. I'm on my way... I'm at-Yeah... He had, erm, he had another door that needed putting on it's hinges... You've seen his house, baby. Lots of er... doors."

Jesus Christ the excuses get weaker every time. For someone who wants to creep around, he doesn't come up with the best reasons for his constant absence from their house. Surely...

He snaps his phone shut.

"Sorry."

"No problem." I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.

"I gotta go."

"I gathered."

"Don't be mad."

I roll my eyes. "I'm not mad."

"You look mad."

"Just fuck off." I flick my eyes to look at him. He gives me a pained look. "Joking..." I murmur.

"See you tomorrow...?"

"Sure."

He tugs his shirt on and does up the bottom few buttons. Then he bends over to grab his pants. I wonder if he'll shower before he lets her anywhere near him. His stink is on me. Mine must be on him. Normally we shower afterwards. Today was rushed. Rushed from start to finish. Too desperate for our own good. His mouth on mine the minute he's through the door, blowjob up against the door, prep on the stairs, a quick fuck against the wardrobe, unable to make it to the bed. Collapsing to the floor. Crawling to the bed. Fucking next to the bed. Animals, the pair of us.

Randy does up his pants and his remaining shirt buttons. He stuffs his phone and wallet into his back pocket and then slides his watch back onto his wrist.

I return to staring at the ceiling.

"See you tomorrow..."

I don't reply. I can sense his hovering.

"Codes?"

"What?"

"You okay?"

I force myself to nod and smile. When all else fails...

"Okay..." he murmurs. The floorboards creak as he leaves the room. A moment later the front door slams.

* * *

As I pull into the street, I can see a car already outside my house. As I near, the car door opens and Rhian gets out. I shiver. My hands feel clammy. I feel awful already. I glance in the rear view mirror – guilt all over my face. Shit.

I slow and turn up onto the driveway. As I park, I watch Rhian walk up the path to the front door. She looks pale, uneasy. She twists her hands together, staring at the ground. I get out slowly. I feel sick.

"Hey, you okay?" I ask as I lock up.

She gives me a weak smile. "Yeah. Sorry, I should have called."

"No, it's fine..." It really isn't. Fuck fuck fuck.

I haven't seen her ages. Not properly anyway. I've managed to avoid all contact – the odd text, that one time I picked up Randy's phone because he was in the shower... I haven't spoken to her properly since. Fuck. Since the night at the club. It came back to me slowly – I pushed her away and clung to Randy. It replayed over and over in mind, getting stronger and stronger every time.

I open the front door and she follows me in.

"Do you want a drink?"

"Sure."

"Coffee?"

She nods. I wander into the kitchen, leaving her to sink onto the couch. I fill the kettle and then just stare at it, watching it boil, counting down the minutes, the seconds, till I have to go back in there and find out what the hell is going on.

She must have figured it out. I mean, surely she's going to see that the same doors that were here when I moved in are still on the hinges. That the rooms are the same colour. That there is still furniture in packages waiting to be assembled. I told Randy the DIY excuse was pitiful. He said it was fine, she believes anything. Obviously not.

The kettle boils. I pour with shaking hands. I take my time stirring, adding milk and sugar. Time to face the music, the wrath, whatever's going to hit me when she opens her mouth and tells me what she knows.

Rhian is staring into space when I go back into the lounge. She doesn't even react when I place the mugs on the table.

I sit down next to her. She starts.

"Sorry. I was miles away."

"No worries."

"I... I think I'm losing him Codes."

I clench my hands to stop them shaking.

"He... He's not himself. He won't talk. I mean, he doesn't talk, but he hardly says anything. He just sits there and stares into space. Or he just goes out without a word. I was in the kitchen yesterday and when I came out to the lounge he was gone. And his phone was off. He... he won't even..." Her hands tremble as she reaches for her mug. She lifts it off the table and then puts it down. "Fuck, Codes... I don't know what's going on."

I want to reach over and hug her. But I can't. I feel like such a fraud already.

"I know he's having a hard time with everything. But it's never been this bad. I know it's hard work what he does. He used to hate going away. He used to say it was the worst part, leaving home for weeks. We used to talk all the time when he was away. Like all the time. He used to phone me three times a day, even if it was just to say hi for a second. And now, I mean he almost looks excited when he gets his schedule. I can see him working it all out... He gets this look in his eye. I... I don't like it."

"What do you mean?"

She looks up at me, her eyes shining. I think I'm going to pass out.

"I..." she whispers, "I think he's having an affair..."

"An affair?"

She nods. "He comes home late. And when he does, he has this weird glow about him. And he won't touch me. He won't come near me for days and days and then he snaps and he's all over me. And then he goes all distant. And then it starts all over again."

"An affair?"

"Yes Codes, a fucking affair. With a woman. What else?"

What else indeed. Of course. An affair. With a woman. What else could it possibly be? Not with a guy, of course not, too hard to believe. But a woman, sure that's believable.

"I don't think so."

"What do you mean?" she murmurs.

"He's been here." What the fuck am I saying?

She sighs. "You don't have to cover for him... I know he's your best buddy and all that shit, but really Codes... you don't have to defend him. I know what's going on."

"You do?"

"He's using you for cover. He tells you that if I ask, he was here. Doing DIY or something. Like I'd believe that."

"But he has been here."

"Cody."

I swallow. "What?"

"Please don't. I know he's not been here. I know he's been with... well with whoever it is."

"Rhian, he's not having an affair."

"Tell me why I should believe you."

There's something in her voice that unnerves me. Like she knows more than she's letting on.

"Because if he was he would have told me. Or I would have guessed. I wouldn't lie to you. If he told you he was here and he wasn't, I would tell you."

"What was the DIY excuse?"

I shrug. "I don't know. We were just chilling out. Maybe he feels guilty for spending time here."

"I..." she stares at me closely. "Something's not right though. I mean okay so maybe he's been here, but that doesn't explain his behaviour."

"It's probably stress."

She shakes her head. "It's more than stress. I mean, when he used to get stressed..."

"Oh..."

"But it's different. Codes, he's not the same. Trust me."

"Okay."

"Can you..." she trails off. "Don't worry. I believe you."

"No, what were you going to say?"

"He won't tell me what's going on. I've tried for the past month. I can't get anything out of him."

"You want me to ask him."

"He talks to you."

"He doesn't."

"More than me."

"I don't know about that."

"Can you just try? Please?"

I look at her: desperate to have her boyfriend back. And I'm the one stealing him away. Well I was. Doesn't feel like that anymore. He's the one drawing me in. The one in control. Thinking he's in control. Not quite realising that everything else around him is crumbling slowly: Rhian... And then me, caught between a rock and a hard place. With no way out.

"Okay."

Tears finally spill and she flings herself at me. "Thank you," she whispers against my chest. "God, am I being really paranoid?"

"I... I don't know."

She pulls back and wipes her eyes, sniffing. "Just please, whatever's going on, can you just tell me? Don't sugar-coat it. I want to know."

"Sure..." I manage to choke out. I don't think anything is going to be sugar-coated. Too late for that.

* * *

Pick up... Pick up... Pick up...

"Hello?"

"It's me."

"What's up?"

"You on your own?"

"Two seconds..." Randy muffles the mouthpiece with his hand. I hear him call out to Rhian and then a door opens and closes. "What's up?"

"Rhian came to see me."

I can almost hear him freeze.

"And?"

"She thinks you're having an affair."

"And?"

"With a woman."

He exhales slowly. "An affair with a chick?"

"She asked me to ask you about it."

"And are you?"

"What do you think this is?"

"You telling me to watch my step?"

"Randy... She was heart-broken. She was sobbing her fucking heart out on my couch. What was I supposed to say?"

"What did you say?"

"I told her it was a stupid thing to think. That you weren't having an affair. She thinks I'm your fucking cover."

"Why is she asking you to find out then?"

"Because she doesn't believe me. Not entirely anyway. She wants to. But you're doing things that make her think otherwise."

"Like what?"

"For fuck's sake, I'm not going to spell it out for you."

"Jesus Codes, what do you want me to do? Ignore you or ignore her? I'm not a fucking machine. And I'm not that fucking messed up that I'll go and fuck you and then go home and fuck her. Shit..."

"Well you've got to do something. I swear she was going to tell me that she knew. I swear she already does know."

"How the fuck would she know?"

"I think she's pretty fucking close. She already thinks you're having an affair, just with a girl not a guy," I hiss.

"Jesus fucking Christ. I can't deal with this. She's not going to find out. You tell her that I said that it was a fucking stupid-ass thing to think."

"Oh sure, because that'll throw her right off the scent. Randy, we've got to stop this."

"She isn't close to finding out. Unless you say something."

"Why would I say something?"

"Because you're guilty."

"And you're not?"

"I'm not having this same fucking argument again."

"Then go fuck your girlfriend, not me," I choke out. Hang up. Hang the fuck up.

Randy beats me to it. Dead tone. And my mind goes into over-drive. He says he doesn't fuck me and then fuck her. But he's just fucked me over. And now he's going to fuck her over too.


	17. Chapter 17

Penultimate chapter... Hope you like :-) Nothing else to say apart from big thank you to my amazing Beta, Blazing Glory.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing :-( Apart from Rhian of course :-)

WARNING: SLASH

Happy New Year... Final chapter will be here in the next few weeks. Eek!

* * *

**Chapter 17**

I ignore my phone for the third time this morning. It stops buzzing for a second. And then the screen lights up: '1 new voicemail.' The third one this morning. A second later: '1 new message.' God knows how many that is.

I know I should just delete them without listening or reading, but I can't help myself.

"Cody... Seriously, please just pick up. Or phone me back. Or whatever. Are you okay? What happened last week – I'm... Well, it was stupid. I shouldn't have said what I said. You know it's hard for me too. And Rhi... Shit, I've gotta go."

Those last four words end every single voicemail he's left me.

I look at the text message:

_Meet me later. We can talk. Please?_

I delete it without replying. And then slowly go through and delete all the other messages – the other apologies, requests to see me. I'm going cold turkey. Sort of.

So maybe He came over a few nights ago. Snuck in with the key I stupidly gave him.

_Something creaks. My eyes flick open. It's dark, but I can just about make out the time on the clock next to me. Three in the morning. What the-_

_The door creaks open. I scramble for the bedside lamp. I squint in the bright light._

"_What the fuck?" I hiss. Randy is standing in the doorway._

"_I..."_

"_Go away."_

"_Wh-"_

"_Just go."_

"_Why?" he manages to get out before I can cut him off for a third time._

"_We can't do this anymore."_

"_Can't we just talk about it?"_

"_About what? That you're secretly in love with the idea of sneaking around behind Rhian's back? That you're completely fine with fucking either of us whenever it suits you? That tonight it's my turn, so I should be grateful?"_

"_No... I just wanted to talk to you."_

"_Talk then."_

_He walks towards the bed. The mattress yields to him in an instant. I try not to do the same. I could just lean over and kiss him, pretend that everything is okay, convince myself we're doing nothing wrong. But I have a conscience. Unlike him._

"_I told her nothing was going on."_

"_And?"_

"_She said okay."_

"_That doesn't mean she believes you."_

"_Has she asked you about it since?"_

"_No..."_

"_So it's fine."_

"_It's not though," I mutter._

"_Why not?"_

_He's so fucking close to me. I can feel his warmth. His breath ghosting over my cheek. I have to stop him._

"_What if it was the other way around?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_What if it was me fucking someone else and then fucking you. You wouldn't like it."_

_He freezes. "Have you?" he whispers._

_I shrug. "What's it to you?"_

"_Have you been fucking someone else?"_

"_What do you think?"_

_I haven't. I wouldn't want to. Since that guy in the toilets ages ago. I knew it was wrong. It felt wrong. It wasn't the same. And I knew that. And Randy knew that._

_He takes a deep breath. "Why would you fuck someone else?"_

"_Because you won't fuck me."_

"_You don't let me."_

"_I wonder why. Maybe you just want your cake and eat it. Ever thought about that? Maybe I'm not the selfish one. You're the one who wants the best of both worlds. Not me. I would be quite happy just to have you. But you don't want it like that. You can't face the fact that maybe you're gay. Like me. But why would you want to be like me? When you have Rhian. And that whole perfect life that would vanish in a second if you admitted to yourself what you really are." I want to hit myself. Why did I say that?_

"_I love her."_

"_And you don't love me. Fine. Then just fuck off and leave me. Don't keep me hanging like this."_

"_You can't..."_

"_What? Cut you off? Try me."_

I was so proud of myself for not fucking him that I didn't even realise what I had done until it was too late. And now, despite of myself, I want him back with me more than anything. But I know it's never going to happen. He won't choose to be with me. And why would he? I'm a whiny little bitch, I know. And Rhian and him are perfect together. Too alike for their own good sometimes, but there's something between them that's undeniable. I thought Randy and I had that undeniable factor, but maybe not. Maybe I pinned all my hopes on it being amazing... Maybe another time, another place it would have been different. But I can't do it anymore.

Unless he changes. But why would he do that?

* * *

Two weeks.

I'm going crazy.

The phone calls, the begging, the texts – it's getting worse. And I'm almost on the verge of cracking.

It's so bad I'm here fucking another guy. I picked him carefully. Tall. Taller than me. Big muscles. Dark hair. Tanned. Tattoos. But he doesn't moan my name right. He doesn't do anything right. The only way to make myself believe, forget, is to fuck him from behind and keep my eyes closed.

I cum and pull out. He looks at me over his shoulder. Twists around and kisses up my stomach, my chest, my neck. I push him away. I tug off the condom and throw it on the bed. Pull up my pants, button my shirt and throw a few notes at the guy.

Outside it's raining. I stumble to my car. Three attempts to unlock the door, before I collapse into the seat and break down completely. I just needed someone. Anyone. No one would do. No one looked the same. So I just started on the streets. Round and round, past the girls. A few boys. Him. In a room. Money on the table. And an extra few bills afterwards. For luck? Or to keep him quiet? I didn't say. He didn't ask.

* * *

I sink to the floor underneath the excruciatingly hot stream of water coming from the shower. Red-hot pokers, needles pierce my skin. And only then do I feel slightly less dirty.

I've taken the battery out of my cell phone. Threw it in the trash. But didn't take it outside. I'll collect it in the morning. Or earlier if I crack. All I want to do is call him, tell him and for him to tell me that it's okay, that he understands. Nothing more. If he could just understand for a second what it feels like, then maybe I can move on from this. Stop feeling so fucking unhappy. Guilty.

My skin is flushed a bright red when I decide to end the torture and escape the shower. I wrap a towel around my waist and stare at myself in the mirror. I look awful. I've got dark bags under my eyes. I'm pale, withdrawn. I look like Rhian did on that fateful day. I look a wreck.

And all because of-

The house phone rings. Shit. I haven't got caller ID installed. Do I chance it? I make my way over to the phone next to the bed. It cuts out and I hear the automatic voice downstairs kick in:

"… Please leave your message after the tone."

"Codes? It's Rhian. Are you there? Pick up. Please."

My hand shakes as I answer.

"Hello?"

"Oh thank God. Codes, Randy hasn't come home."

"He's here," I say automatically.

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I need him here. Tonight. Now."

"What's happened?"

"None of your fucking business," she retorts. Pause. "Sorry. It's..."

"It's okay."

"Codes. Bring him home. Now."

"Rhi-"

She hangs up.

Shit. What the hell was that about? He said that he'd convinced her that everything was okay. Was he lying to me? Why am I surprised if he did? And why did I lie for him?

I get dressed and then stop. If he's not here and he's not there – where the hell is he?

* * *

I hand over ten bucks to the doorman, who steps aside and lets me through. I'm down fifty bucks already. Fucking Saturday night prices. I scan the bar – too packed to notice anyone in particular. I edge around the groups of guys, feel their eyes on me, feel the occasionally hand touching my waist. I push them away. It's almost two in the morning. Almost time to be kicked out – guys desperate to find someone, anyone, so they don't have to do what I was doing two hours ago.

I should have brought my cell. Or rather, remembered to fish the battery out of the trash before leaving. I could have called him. Apologized and then asked where the hell he is. Now I'm running out of places to look – I started at our usual haunts. Places we'd been together. Now I'm here – in this fucking dump, where guys come for an easy fuck. Where even the doorman take advantage anyway they can – the entrance is dimly lit, down a back alley.

I finally get to the bar. I lean over and ask the barman if he's seen Randy. He shrugs at first.

"He's got tattoos all down his arms... Ice-blue eyes... Tanned..."

He pulls back and chews his lip and then nods to the other end of the bar.

"Thanks," I murmur, starting to push my way past the throng of guys around the bar.

He slowly comes into view. He's claimed what seems to be the only bar stool in the place. And a bottle of whiskey. He swirls his glass and takes a swig. Then he unscrews the bottle and pours another. Knocks it back in quickly. Goes for another. He's had another two by the time I reach him.

"Randy..." I reach out and touch his arm. He looks around. Stares at me blankly for a moment and then his eyes narrow.

"You never called me back," he slurs.

"I know." What's the point in making excuses that he won't remember.

"I wanted to see you. I went to your house. You weren't there."

"I was out."

"Where?" He goes for the bottle again. I push it out of reach. He swears at me.

"Rhian called for you," I tell him.

"I know. She called me too. I didn't answer."

"I've got to get you home."

He shakes his head. "No."

"Randy, c'mon man, you can't stay here."

"So? They'll kick me out later. It's cool."

"One of these guys is gonna take you home and you're gonna regret it."

He shrugs.

I should leave him. But I can't. Plus I told Rhian I'd bring him back. And if I don't, she'll know for definite he wasn't with me and then all hell is gonna break loose.

"Rhian's worried about you," I say as I lean over him and try to get him to shift.

"Are you?"

"Of course."

He pushes me away. "So why won't you talk to me?"

"We'll talk in the car. C'mon..."

I pull his arm over my shoulder. He resists for a moment and then relents.

* * *

The lounge light is on as I pull up to Randy and Rhian's house. Randy just stared straight ahead for the whole journey. Refused to say anything. Refused to listen to what I said. So I gave up.

I heave him out of the car and hear the front door open behind me.

"What the fuck?" Rhian screeches.

"Jesus, Rhi, keep it down," I whisper.

She scowls at me. "I thought you said he was with you. Why the fuck is he like this?"

I shrug.

"So you did lie to me? Thanks a fucking bunch, Codes."

"Sorry..." I say weakly, as I half push, half pull Randy up the steps and through the door. She slams it behind us.

Randy mumbles something about coffee. I ease him onto the couch and go to escape from the kitchen, but Rhian stops me.

"Where did you find him?" she asks quietly. Her voice is dripping with anger.

"In a bar."

"Where?"

"Downtown..."

"Where downtown?" she hisses.

"I..."

She turns on Randy. "Where the fuck were you?"

He shrugs.

"Rhi, he's drunk... Just leave him yeah?" I reach out to her, touch her arm. She's shaking.

"What?" she turns to me. "Leave him so he can make up a lie tomorrow morning?"

"He doesn't know where he was."

"Sure he does."

"Rhi, I promise-"

"Promise?" she laughs. "You promised that you'd talk to him."

"I did."

"And what did he say?"

"That he isn't having an affair."

"So where was he tonight?"

"In a bar-"

"With another girl right?" She turns back to Randy. "You swore blind to me that I was being paranoid. You told me that I was stupid to think anything like that of you. Why would I do something like that to you – that's what you said. You said you loved me."

"I do," Randy mumbles.

Rhian shakes her head. "Liar."

Randy stumbles to his feet, tries to get to her. She backs away. And I just stand there helplessly.

"Don't come near me," her voice trembles. "I just want to know Randy... Are you...?"

"No... Rhi, baby... C'mon..." Randy reaches out to her, his fingers touch her arm. She flinches.

"Get off me..." she pulls her arm away.

"I'm sorry..."

"Sorry? For what? Fucking someone else or being found out?" Rhian hisses.

"For everything... I love you, Rhi."

This is horrible. I watch Rhian, tears starting to fall down her face. Randy looks at her, lost, upset, helpless.

"No..." she whispers. "You don't love me. You wouldn't do this to me if you did. But you were always a selfish bastard. Ever since we met. You had this idea of how you wanted me to be – how you wanted anyone in your life to be. You had to be the dominant one. You had to be in control of everything. You knew that wasn't me. I knew that wasn't me. But I loved you that much that I did that for you – I let you have the control. Because you gave something back. But now? You don't give anything back. You want me to ignore everything you do that's wrong or hurtful. Like feign ignorance when you go off and fuck around. And you want me to be grateful, Jesus Christ..." Rhian's voice starts to shake. "You want me to be fucking grateful that you come back to me."

"Rhian..." Randy's eyes narrow. "It's not like that. You know that."

"I don't know what I know anymore. I feel like such a fucking idiot. I fucking trusted you. I've always trusted you. That's how this works Randy. Trust. And you just fucked that up haven't you?"

"You have to trust me."

'Do I?" Rhian almost shouts. "I don't have to trust you at all. Not now. Not anymore. After what you've done? You made me into a fucking mark – and I stupidly fell for it."

"You're not... Rhian, I love you..."

He gets closer to her. And she lashes out.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

Her fists batter Randy's arms. And he just stands there and takes it. I can't just stand here. I wrap my arms around Rhian and pull her away.

"Get off me, Codes," she half-shouts, half-sobs. Her nails claw at my arms, as I battle to pull her a safe distance away from Randy, who is still standing there, his head lowered.

"Get out..."

"What?" his head flicks up.

"Get out."

"Rhian... We can talk about this."

She shakes her head, her hair whipping my face. "No, we can't... Just go. You can get some stuff tomorrow when I'm at work. Just go."

He opens his mouth and then closes it again. He stumbles for the door.

I ease my grip on Rhian and she slowly pushes slivers out of my arms.

"Go," she whispers.

"Me?" I ask.

"Drive him somewhere. Anywhere. I don't care."

"I should stay with you...'"I murmur.

"Why? So you can lie to me too?"

"What? No. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. Never better," she scowls. "Just go. Go look after him. Like usual."

"I don't want to take sides."

"I think you already have." Her eyes pierce into mine. "I can't believe you lied to me all this time," she whispers. "Just go."

This time I don't argue. I leave.

And as I drive back myself and Randy back to my place, I wonder what the hell she means.


	18. Chapter 18

Okay, so I'm back with the final instalment. Apologies for it being long over due. As my fabulous beta puts it 'RL can be a bitch.'

**WARNING: The usual.**

**DISCLAIMER:** Nothing is mine. Apart from Rhian. Although I think she owns me lol.

I hope you likey. And I hope it was worth the wait. Enough from me. x

* * *

**Chapter 18**

I curl my legs up under me, wrap my arms around myself and stare into nothingness. I scrape my nails down my arms, digging deep into my flesh. Hard. Harder. Till I want to scream. But even then, it wouldn't be a sufficient punishment for what I've done.

Rhian's face keeps flashing up. Her mascara running down her cheeks. Her screams make me flinch. Her fists pummelling Randy's arms make me shiver. The look on her face as she glanced between me and him was just unbearable. The final dismissal makes me squirm in uncomfortable anticipation of what's to come.

Randy didn't say a word on the way back to my place. He walked straight in, headed up the stairs. The door to the bathroom slammed. And then I heard the boiler whirr into life as he started the shower. I swear he was in there for an hour, whilst I paced the lounge, chewing my lip to shreds, wondering what to do.

He emerged without a word. Came down the stairs, grabbed a sandwich, sat at the kitchen and ate in silence. All as I just stood by, wondering what to say, let alone do. Nothing I could say would make it any better. Or worse, for that matter. The worst had been done six months ago.

I close my eyes. What would have happened if we hadn't done anything? Would Randy have gone off with someone else? A girl? Another _guy_? Or would he have just accepted his lot and carried on with Rhian. Never knowing what would have happened past the kiss. Never knowing that six months later he would be on the receiving end of her wrath, chucked out of his own home and only able to find solace at his gay lover's.

And what about me? Would I have buried my feelings even deeper than before? Accepted the situation and perhaps, at some point, moved onto someone else? Found happiness elsewhere?

Did I even find happiness here? I'm nowhere close to fucking happy right now. Was there even a moment of happiness between the two of us? Or was it just sexual tension that overflowed, neither of us able to control it? We let is spiral out of control. We let it get this far. Neither of us could pull back once we'd started.

Or did we have a chance to stop? When we started fucking in the basement whilst Rhian slept upstairs – that was when we had the chance to stop. Or when we sneaking off to fuck each other senseless on tour – maybe that was a sign it had gone too far.

But we were too wrapped up in our own self-indulgence to realise what was happening. Until it was too late. Until Rhian was screaming at Randy to fuck off.

I suddenly realise I'm shaking. My eyes ache. My hands feel clammy. I feel sick. I uncurl my legs from beneath me, practically fall off the chair and stumble up the stairs to the bathroom. My stomach unleashes itself moments later. Not that I have anything to bring up. I just wretch over and over again into the toilet bowl, dry heaves tearing at my guts, finally bringing some twisted satisfaction as my body begins to hurt almost as much as my conscience.

The light flickers on.

"Codes? You okay?"

I splutter in reply.

A warm hand touches my back and I flinch.

"I'm fine," I mutter, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I just want him to stop touching me. To stop making this any fucking worse. If we're to stop, then friendship goes along with that. Nothing. No more.

But...

I can't tell him to stop. So I let him rub slow, soothing circles on my back. I let him run his fingers up the back of my neck, through my hair. I let him ease me back, so I lean against the wall. I let him wet a cloth, wipe my face clean of sweat.

And then I let myself be helped into bed.

But...

I don't let it go any further. One small step...

* * *

I feel the bed creak next to me. The smell of coffee hits my nostrils. I open one eye. I can see the vapours from the steaming mug swirl up into the light from the window.

"Morning..."

I roll onto my back and see Randy sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. His eyes are blood-shot, his skin blotchy too. If I didn't know him, I would have sworn he might have been crying.

"Hey..."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah," I rub my eyes. My mouth feels dry. I glance over to the empty side of the bed. The pillows look untouched.

"I slept downstairs."

"You didn't-"

"I had to."

"Right." I prop myself up and reach for the mug. Randy's hand shoots out to help me, but he stops himself an inch from my hand. I watch his fist clench and then re-tract slowly back. Even he seems to realise how wrong this is all becoming.

"I... I don't know what to do Codes."

I can't bring myself to speak. Why is he asking me? Doesn't he know that I'm thinking the exact same thing?

He carries on, rambling at the floor. He can't even look at me. And I realise, that I can't bring myself to look at him either; I stare at my coffee.

"I tried to call her... But she won't answer. But I don't know what I would say to her if she does pick up. She honestly believes it. She believes I fucked around behind her back."

I note how careful he is not mention with who.

"And... I know it's true what she's saying. And I guess last night confirmed it in her eyes that what she believes is true. But she doesn't know the real truth right? So... So I could... I could convince..." he trails off.

I can't listen to him anymore. My tongue whirrs into action before I can stop myself. "I don't care. Convince away. Tell her how much you love her. How much you worship the fucking ground she walks on. But don't tell me about it. Don't make me feel anymore guilty than I already do. You've palmed enough guilt off on me."

I put the mug down on the table with such force, half of it leaps out onto the carpet. I push the sheets away and get up. I go to skirt around Randy, but he grabs my wrist before I can make a full escape.

"Codes..."

I look at him. His eyes pleading with me. Begging for forgiveness.

But I won't let myself give into him. Not now. "Try making a decision on your own for once. Go with her, or with me. Whatever. Just pick."

Do you not see what you're doing to me, I scream inside, Or do you not care?

"I can't."

"Maybe that's your answer then."

I leave him sitting on the bed and head to the bathroom.

When I emerge, he's gone.

* * *

I sit in the same place as last night. Randy still isn't back. My cell hasn't rung or beeped once all day. It's almost eight.

My anger didn't wear off until mid-afternoon. And only then was it replaced by something even more terrifying – worry. Worry that crept up from the pit of my stomach, curled itself around my insides and started to squeeze. That's when I started calling him. No answer after no answer. But I couldn't leave a message. I hung up immediately each time. What would I even say? I can't even admit to myself what might have happened in the last six hours. The possibility scares the shit out of me. The possibility that he might not even have the decency to tell me who or what he's chosen.

Or worse. That something else has happened. The unthinkable. I shudder. No, don't think that. Surely someone would tell me if that had happened. Or would they? To the world, Randy is a friend. A good friend, but a friend nonetheless. Only he knows what I truly am. Or at least I hope he does. And Rhian... Well, Rhian thinks I was in on it. And I was. Not in the way she believes... But...

Headlights flicker at the bottom of the road. I lean forward, eager to see where they go. Do they carry on towards me? Or turn off further down. Or just go straight past. They slow. And then turn. And I'm caught like a fucking rabbit.

Shit.

I scramble away from the window. Fuck, fuck, FUCK.

A door slams. And then a few seconds later there's a sharp rap at the front door. Followed by another. And then a series of loud, thrashing bangs.

I can't stop my feet. They march to the door and pull it open.

Rhian's eyes meet mine.

"Hi," I manage to choke out.

"Hi."

"Er... Come in?"

"Thanks." She brushes past me. The smell of her perfume almost makes me sick again.

"Coffee?" I ask weakly.

"Sure," she flashes her teeth. Somehow the smile doesn't make it to her eyes. They look bloodshot like Randy's did this morning.

I make a hasty exit to the kitchen, wondering how much time I can waste making coffee before the inevitable happens. As the kettle boils, I pray to fucking God that Randy doesn't decide to make an entrance about now.

I manage to stretch coffee-making to just under ten minutes. When I go back into the lounge, Rhian eyes me suspiciously.

"Took your time," she murmurs.

"Sorry..." First of many...

I sit down next to her. And then re-adjust, moving away, as close as possible to the armrest of the couch.

"So," I breathe. "How are you feeling? After... well last night?"

"How do you think?"

"Right."

"I... I needed to talk to someone. About it. My friends... they don't know. Yet. And you... you know him. And you know me... So..."

"Okay..."

"I just... I just don't understand Codes. Why would he?"

"I don't know..." My heart is thumping so loud I swear she can hear me. I don't dare lift my mug from the table. My hands are shaking too much.

"I thought we were happy."

"I know."

"I mean... I was happy. But maybe... maybe that was just me..."

"I'm sure he was happy too."

"Then why would he fuck someone else?" She spits the words out.

I shrug helplessly.

"I mean... I was there to fuck him whenever he fucking wanted. Or maybe that was it. I was too fucking boring for him. Maybe he wanted something, or someone else. Something more fucking exciting than me."

"I doubt it..."

"Really? You doubt it?"

My head flicks round to face her. She's staring at me. Straight in the eye.

"He... he wouldn't do that to you. He loves you," I hear myself say mechanically.

Her eyes narrow. "Are you sure about that?"

"Wh-"

"I know, Cody."

"What do you mean?" I whisper.

"I know."

Her face goes in and out of focus for a second.

"I _know_," she says for the third time.

I go cold.

"How long Cody?"

I can't speak.

"How long?"

My mouth opens and closes.

"How fucking long?" she shouts. I jump.

I close my eyes. "Six months..."

She inhales sharply, with a small scream. I open my eyes. Her eyes are red, tears building, ready to spill. She sniffs, swallows, stares at me once again.

"When?"

"You... You were in New York..."

She closes her eyes. Tears escape.

"Why..." she gasps.

"I don't know."

She puts her coffee mug down, her hands shaking. They ball up into fists. She thumps the couch, making me jump.

"There must be a reason. There has... there has to be..."

"It... it just happened." I can't even begin to explain. I don't know what there is to say. I fucked up – I fucked your boyfriend, made him my boyfriend, my lover, my soulmate.

"It didn't though..."

"What?" I stare at her amazed.

"The... the way you looked at him." She stares into space. "I... I thought at first that you had a crush on me. Idiot that I am. And then... then I walked in on you. With that guy. And then I just, well I don't know what I thought. But I just brushed it off. And I went off and forgot about it all. I came back and you two... you were all weird. I just figured Randy just didn't know how to act around you now that he knew. That in that week something had happened, but you were too embarrassed or whatever to tell me..."

She pauses, turns her head to face me once again. "And then, little things just didn't add up... The way you were starting to flinch around me. That you were shrinking away from me... But not from him. And then everything just... slotted into place. It all made fucking sense. You looked at me like you did because you were jealous. Of me. Because I had what you wanted."

"But..."

"But what?" she snaps.

"You said... a girl..."

She blinks. "I... I wasn't sure... But then I saw your face when I said it. You looked... insulted."

"I'm so sorry..." I whisper.

"I bet you are. But sorry you did it, or sorry you got caught?" Venom dripping from every syllable.

"I don't what to say."

"Say nothing. Because that's all you can do. Nothing. You did nothing, you could have stopped it. But did you? HELL NO. You were quite happy to just carry on, fuck your friendship, you got fucking laid,' she screams.

"It... it wasn't like that. It was killing me."

"Killing you?" she laughs coldly. "What? And I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?"

"No but-"

She gets up. "Enough Cody. You have to choose. Friendship... Or whatever you and Randy supposedly have."

Her coffee mug crashes down on the table. I shudder.

"You can't have both Cody. Life isn't that good.' She heads to the door. 'Your mess. Your choice. Me or him."

The door slams behind her.

* * *

I'm still sitting on the couch, in the same position when headlights light up the lounge for the second time tonight. Half of me wonders if Rhian's come back for round two. Not that I blame her.

A key slides in the lock.

"Hey man..."

"Hey."

Randy closes the door behind him. Flicks on the lights. I blink at the brightness.

"You okay?"

I glance up at him. He narrows his eyes so I can't read them. I shake my head.

"What happened?"

"Where were you?" I counter

"I had to think..."

"Oh."

"I went over to the house..."

My heart sinks.

"But she wasn't there."

"No. She was here."

"Here?" His eyes widen.

"She knew. She knew last night. But she said she didn't know for sure until she saw my reaction."

"She knew?"

I nod.

"And?" he urges.

"She gave me a choice. You or her."

"Right." Randy walks over to the stairs. They creak under his step.

"I choose you," I murmur.

The creaks stop.

I don't dare look around. Not yet anyway. So I talk to the floor. "I was... I was going to choose her. Maybe out of guilt more than anything. Guilt that you made me feel. I've never felt this horrible in my whole life. No-one ever made me feel like that before. Made me feel that what I am is wrong. And she didn't make me feel like that. You did. You made me feel that small. You made me feel like it was all my fault that you were cheating on her. So I was going to choose her. To prove that I am a friend."

I pause for breath.

"But... You also made me feel incredible. Incredibly guilty at times, but you had your moments when you made me feel something else. You used to look at me in a way that made me melt. You used to look at me with..." Even now I can't bring myself to say the word. "And I want that again. I don't want you to look at me with disgust. Or look at me like you own me."

I close my eyes, remembering that look in his eye the last few times we fucked. "I want you to look at me like we're equal."

Only now, do I get up, turn and face him. He's staring at me, his mouth half open.

"If you can promise me that... Then I choose you."

Silence.

I close my eyes. My heart sinks. I started with nothing and I finish with nothing. What else did I expect?

"Cody..."

I open my eyes. Randy is in front of me. And his mouth forms the words I've wanted to hear for a while.

**Fin x**

* * *

**Thank you's etc etc.**

- Firstly, to my lovely and truly awesome beta, Blazing Glory: A MASSIVE thank you. Without her, none of this would have happened. I owe her a lot for this. Thank you so much.

- Doorist & LegacyChick: Your reviews blew me away every time. I cannot thank you enough for the confidence and courage you gave me to write this. Both of you are truly amazing writers and for you guys to even consider reading this little silly story of mine - well I am honoured and humbled all at the same time. Thank you.

- EnigmaticDiva: Thank you for your 'kick up the butt' messages! LOL. I needed them and hope you are satisfied with the end result!

- msgemgem: Sorry it didn't work out how you wanted it to. I have an epilogue in the pipeline that will hopefully satisfy your Rhian/Randy cravings. Think flashbacks lol.

- Everyone else who reviewed/read/stumbled across this by accident: Sorry I can't name you all individually, but you have all contributed to the making of this story. Without you, there would be no story. I love reading your reviews and they mean so much. If you write on here, I'm sure you know that warm fuzzy feeling you get when an email appears in your inbox telling you someone's reviewed. Thank you so much for giving me that feeling.

Love you all :-) Thanks, rkolove xx


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